It started with a request from the accountant. I needed to find out the exact price I had paid for my old house fifteen years ago. Buried in a pile of old papers, the information surfaced, and other tidbits also that brought me right back to that time. Mind was quick. The divorce, details of the parting, images of my ex, of the children so young then . . . heart got flooded all of a sudden with a strong current of emotions. Grief, sadness, remorse, regret, love welled up, and I could feel myself going down, fast.
Now was the moment, I felt, to experience things differently. The last few days' insight still fresh, awareness begged to take a different standpoint. Image of small boat shaken by a strong wind and ready to capsize popped into my mind, and I knew of a better place to be than in it. The ocean was vast, and I could sense the vastness that can absorb all. That afternoon's ripple was very small indeed, another conditioned phenomenon, transient emotions tied to a cause that would soon vanish as they always do.
I stood, sat, and walked with the emotions, and the awareness of the emotions, and the wisdom filtering through. And responded to the even greater love calling. Oh! the joy . . .
Another related insight I have had lately deals with the subtle common misunderstanding of enlightenment and what it must feel like. The way I view this big word, is as a moment-to-moment phenomenon, when the truth of the big ocean makes itself known. It does not mean not experiencing and feeling pain, or difficult emotions, or unpleasantness. Instead it is about being with the whole package differently, and accepting things the way they are, letting go of the wanting that life would be all pleasure and satisfaction. An enlightened person is one for whom enlightenment is an ongoing phenomena. For most of us, it comes and goes.
How do you relate to the small boat and the big ocean? Do other images speak more to you? What does being enlightened mean to you?