Sitting this morning, I could clearly feel the hold of greedy mind, and I understood it as a lifelong habit to be kindly lived through and attended to, right there. This seeing of greed, and of the other hindrances, as a habit of mind, is a new realization and one that makes the culprit more workable. It helps with knowing it's going to take time to uproot. It helps with knowing that it is just a habit like any other, a formation of the mind that has dug itself deep into the recesses of the brain. The longer the roots, the more time needed to extract the weed.
Sitting this morning, there was no underestimating the power of the mind's bad habits, in this case craving. I had to admit my relative powerlessness, meanwhile dipping my awareness into neutral breath, over and over. Each time, greedy mind kept pulling me back into its web. Back and forth, back and forth, it went. And something else also. Bigger than breath, bigger than untamed mind, was the joy of resting in the deeper layers of wise awareness, and patient acceptance of the mind's limitations. Loving myself enough to give the mind time to extricate itself from years of painful contractions and delusion.
Such movements of the mind are so small. This is why it takes no less than complete stillness to notice, and start the loosening process through the power of concentrated attention.
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sitting, feeling the tug of awareness against a desire to move. to move away from self, and then closer still. Almost as if the attention was a breathing pendulum that could not stop swaying. resolute, reconnecting, I sense the others sitting near and remember that I am not alone in this space. connected and aware that we each want to sit with self, in a fresh, open way that will allow the self to shed, to just be. slowly molting.
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Nice . . . Thank you for this fresh sharing of your practice! With metta. M
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