It
is now clear that my mother is dying, and a new phase has started. The nurse
said it could be a matter of days, weeks, or months. The good news is she is
now back home, in the comfort of her room. She recognized me when I arrived
today, and is now lying in bed with her eyes closed, her breathing irregular
and labored. I am planning to return to the US the day after tomorrow. This may
be the last time I see her.
I
draw comfort from the love that flowed so freely between us during the last few
days. I was able to receive her love, in all its purity, and I know she got the
same from me. It has been like falling in love all over again, an experience
that blew my heart open wide, and that I will cherish forever.
Now,
comes my part in allowing her to let go. Not insisting that she eat or drink,
not smothering her with touch that is now painful to her, not burdening her
with mental clinging. Sitting by her side, I go to my body, and find the
breath, moving through much heaviness. The grief in my heart is for me to have
only, and not share with her. Sitting by her side, I pay close attention to her
breathing, and I practice receiving it gently into my own breath. The same way
she birthed me, now I am helping her slip away.
Posts
Marguerite, you are an exceptionnal person.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
such a peaceful tableau of an end to a life, and a liminal moment to another.
ReplyDeletethis is a skillful practice which is missing in so many hearts, i will share these words with whomever needs them..and we all eventually do.
merci for allowing your readers to feel the sentient being, the love and acceptance so necessary in this passage of time.
Be well. Best wishes in this time.
ReplyDeleteFor what is worth, my near death experience gave me a nice glimpse...you don't crave memories, there is no pain, and it is so warm and welcoming, once you leave your body, which becomes just a body..fear and pain is not an issue.
ReplyDeleteDear Marguerite, I wanted to thank you profoundly for sharing your process in this time of very personal pain and difficulty. You are brave and extremely generous to find time and effort to share what you are going through, and how you are using your practice to support you. We are going through something similar at home and I see many truths in your words. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you and wishing you strength and clarity, Susanne
I am so sorry to hear about your mother and your words are touching, but I hear the pain as well. I actually was seeking your blog as I began "following" your posts on Twitter recently and enjoyed your comments. Finding you in this moment, however, was unexpected, but your words strangely comforting. You see, I just returned early this morning from seeing my father after he suffered a massive heart attack. And while he is beginning his recovery, this nearly fatal encounter leaves me considering that we won't always have each other, and your observations caused me to reflect some more. Later, perhaps, I would like to tell you how I came to your blog and where I am in my own blog, but for now, good luck, and my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
ReplyDelete