The sad spectacle of two brothers running around Whole Foods, unsupervised and creating havoc, while their mother went about her business, oblivious, came back to me this morning, as I sat, and fell prey to a sloth and torpor attack. It takes discipline to keep the mind focused. Meditation is hard, really hard, especially for a novice like me. The concentration and mindfulness muscles are still weak, and tire easily. So, I am left only with sheer will to fall back onto, whenever tiredness sets in. Underneath the good will, are the love for myself, and the faith in the path, and the trust in my teachers. Just follow the breath, and focus on now, they say. Just do it. Like a good mother, it is my responsibility to not let unruly mind run the show. Instead, I am to extend tough love, and practice self-discipline.
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tough love. yep.... i was having a freak out yesterday and it was nearly impossible to sit up straight while i was sitting for meditation. it was crazy.
ReplyDeleteI definitely hear you on this. Lately, my mind has felt more and more restless during my sitting meditations and body scans. Like you, I do agree that it is very hard work and I most certainly consider myself a novice. Having said that, I like to think we are all novices in a sense. Sure, those who have been doing this work for years (and it is work) may have some more control, but I'm beginning to realize that being mindful isn't a 'stage' or place to reach. It's an ongoing, moment by moment practice. It's a life's work. This helps me stay committed and focused....at lest for now :)
ReplyDeleteKitty, Nate, thank you so much for sharing. Your sharing is itself part of what sustains me on this hard road, and I hope you reading my struggles does same for you as well. Spiritual friendships . . . I can't say enough about them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this - I feel like this way often, it seems.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things that happen around us that captivate our attention and before you know it, awareness is hijacked.
I have caught myself wandering off and realized I wasn't even breathing much. I have probably been doing that for years without realizing it. I am thankful that my meditation and breathing awareness have helped catch these moments more often.
Glad to connect with you today.
Hi. I hear ya, sister. I just try to remember that meditation is a "practice" and if I put in my practice that day -- or what you call your self-discipline -- I feel good no matter what my monkey mind did. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Anne. Same here. I love our exchanges both here and on Twitter! I too am amazed at how absent I am most of the times, and so grateful for mindfulness and meditation for bringing much needed gift of presence to myself. I wish you a day spent in much mindfulness!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sonja. Yes, no matter what happens on the chair, it's all good :)
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