Monkey mind kept interrupting train of breath. Rising, falling, rising, falling . . . effort to focus succeeded up to a point, until thoughts, again, and again. How about counting breaths from one to ten? I tried that as well, and encountered limited success, still. There was irritation, and contraction for sure, from not liking thinking mind having the upper hand. Awareness showed judgement at work, as in monkey mind equal bad meditator, and reality clashing with wish for perfection, or rather my idea of it.
Clear seeing put monkey to rest, shifting energy to heart place instead. Breathing became more faint, as heart filled up with not sure feeling. I became aware of resistance, and temptation of ending. Enough noticing, to make me stay. Ending with heart, and breath, and cloud of diffuse knowing, a sense of, I have been in that place before, many times. Tenderness.
Sometimes I am a monkey, and that's ok.