Jetlag is getting best of me, dulling mind and tiring body. There is not much to do but be with diminished capacities, and appreciating what I know to be transient nature of discomfort. I tend to take the mind's ability to think clearly, so much for granted. Today, as I lay in hotel bed, wanting to sleep, but unable to, trying to read some more of Ayya Khema, and having to give up, setting out to meditate, only to find uncooperating mind, I realize what is most dear to me. Mind.
And I think of my mother, whose mind has been playing tricks on her, for five years now. And I can only surmise what it must be like to have one's mind not to be counted on, any longer. Jetlag is providing me with gift of deepened empathy for her invisible pain. I realize the importance of not setting her up for failure when I talk with her. Not asking questions she does not have answers for. Instead asking the simple ones that make her feel in control still. Or complimenting her on what makes her proud, like her good physical health, and her youthful looks.
I dedicate this post to the millions of people in the world who, like my mother, are suffering from diseases of the mind. May they find peace, and relative happiness in the midst of their suffering.
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Dear Marguerite,
ReplyDeleteThank you for you poignant, beautiful and cutting post. It cut through to the heart of the matter for me. It cut through all the judgement and impatience that I sometimes well up with when I realise that my dear mum just plain forgot or misunderstood or whatever the conversation we had. Whenever I have to go over and over things with her. Thank you, as I have spent time my self on many occasions been lost in mind agitations and fog, unable to meditate, sleep nor read. But somehow through my own inability to link the two together, I never thought of my dear mom and what she must be going through and what I put her through... "the importance of not setting her up" is foremost on my mind!
May joy rest in your heart.
Oh! I am so glad this was helpful to you.
ReplyDeleteMay you be well, and at peace, and your mom also :)