Soaking in the hot tub at the Y this morning, I felt the joy from body almost dissolving in the water. It could have been perfect, had it not been for a constriction in the body, and some disturbances in the mind. Thoughts around a constructed self that clearly did not belong to the situation, and yet kept insisting on visiting. I could not believe the stickiness of those thoughts, and was reminded once more of Ayya Khema's teachings:
When we become aware how often the "I" gets in the way of our happiness, we will very likely become disenchanted with it and see that it is really not worth having around. This "I" is constantly creating thoughts and emotions which disturb our inner peacefulness.
Disenchantment with the "I" is the first step toward letting go of our identifications and is bound up with effort. Even the effort itself is already a step in that direction. Whenever we give ourselves wholeheartedly to any wholesome action, the "I" shrinks.
Disenchanted, I certainly am . . .
It's good to know the way out of the 'I' problem and the steps involved. First realizing the suffering attached, and then turning away from it by engaging the heart with wholesome actions. This is why well understood service is so good.