When The Mind Plays Tricks

Doubt Is Bound to Arise During Meditation Practice, and It is Up to Us to Catch It.

Lately, I have been practicing mindfulness of the body with a renewed intensity:

"Furthermore, when going forward & returning, he makes himself fully alert; when looking toward & looking away... when bending & extending his limbs... when carrying his outer cloak, his upper robe & his bowl... when eating, drinking, chewing, & savoring... when urinating & defecating... when walking, standing, sitting, falling asleep, waking up, talking, & remaining silent, he makes himself fully alert. And as he remains thus heedful, ardent, & resolute, any memories & resolves related to the household life are abandoned, and with their abandoning his mind gathers & settles inwardly, grows unified & centered. This is how a monk develops mindfulness immersed in the body."

~ Kayagatta - Sati Sutta; Thanissaro Bikkhu translation ~ 

And, I have noticed something arising in the process.

Thinking mind does not like that I am placing so much attention on 'simple' matters. What is the big deal with noticing each step? Left foot, right foot . . . What is the big deal with noticing each stroke during swim practice? Left arm, right arm . . . What is the big deal with noticing each sip of tea? . . . and each bite taken?  . . . What is the big deal? 

Thinking mind has a strong opinion about this, I noticed.  If  I was not careful, thinking mind would take me down another path, where thoughts about past, present and future rule. 

In the heart, doubt tries to creep in. 

The benefit of right view coupled with mindfulness, soon becomes clear, when wise mind intervenes, countering doubt with faith, and pernicious thoughts with other thoughts, planted before:

Sustained application counteracts skeptical doubt. When we can stay with the subject of meditation and do not become distracted, we gain confidence through the experience that, first of all, it is possible; secondly, that we are able to do it; and thirdly, that the results that accrue are exactly as the Buddha said. Until then, doubt arises again and again in the most insidious ways. Skeptical doubt is the enemy of faith and confidence, and therefore of practice; the mind can provide all sorts of ideas, doubts and excuses - "There must be an easier way," or "I'll try something different," or "I'll find a better teacher or a better monastery," or "There must be something that will really grip me." The mind is a magician: it can produce a rabbit out of any hat.

Skeptical doubt shows itself when we cannot fully immerse ourselves in our present situation.  Skeptical doubt keeps us back, because we are afraid to lose control of self-importance. When we have a little personal experience of the results of the Buddha's teachings, our doubts are counteracted, yet not completely eliminated. At least we no longer feel unsure about practicing meditation. We have experienced results and we have also realized that it makes no difference where we practice, as long as we are steadfast. That, too, is important, because we can search for a perfect place, time, situation, or teacher until the end of our lives and never find any of these because skeptical doubt always intervenes. 

~ When the Iron Eagle Flies: Ayya Khema ~  

How does doubt manifest itself in your practice?

One More Round

Just when I thought,

I was done with the devil,

good news from a friend

on her way to the top,

threatened to send me back

to the hellish realms.

Old demons jumped at once,

from dark corners

and started to play tricks.

First was envy, whose bitter brew

I tasted only for an instant,

then spit, and washed away

with a dose of heartfelt rejoicing.

Then, an old craving awoke,

and started to torment me

with unreasonable demands

for what could not be had any more,

the fruit of which I had eaten before,

and decided I did not like.

Last came doubt,

under the guise of wisdom,

who begged me to please reconsider

the difficult path I had just chosen.

Familiar lines, heard several times

too many, were losing their power.

I took all three demons head on,

and sent them back flying.

Still a bit shaken

from such arduous confrontations,

I stood still,

and congratulated myself

for my resolve.

The Wisdom of No Doubt

Joy of sitting in completely quiet house. Enjoying the rhythm of just breath, and going down quick, to place deep in the center, where body and mind fade into complete stillness. Nice, very nice . . . Half-way through, creeping thought of 'So what?', coupled with feeling of boredom, and wish to end. Wise mind intervenes, to not let doubt do its dirty work,  and replace it instead with patience, and determination. One more breath, one more breath, . . . each time stretching waning concentration, amidst passing thoughts. Until bell rings, almost too soon.