Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Breathing With Fear and Other Scary Emotions

Fear is an habitual companion of mine. Sitting, this morning, I felt its presence, big time. Paying particular attention to the way my breath changed my experience, moment to moment. Each inhale, bringing me ever closer to 'it', wherever 'it' happened to locate itself. In the solar plexus. Moving up to the throat, circled by a knot of fear of the fear itself. Down to the left, in the heart center. 'It' kept moving around. Amplified with each rising. And in between, the sweeping down motion from - mostly - deep exhales. Pushing down the fear, taking some of it sharp edges, in anticipation for the next encounter. Some thoughts, too. My mind coming to the rescue, offering reasons for the emotional storm. I let them scroll by. Not now. Relaxing, or rather trying to relax, and soften around the large presence, inside. Hoping for some reprieve. Tears would be nice. Noticing the hoping, and the wishes, and aversion. I started doubting the fear itself. Was it fear, or something else? There was room for more than one strong emotion. Grief, and sadness soon joined in. And frustration, from being in such company. Breathing through the frustration. I was surprised by a short moment of seemingly nothingness. Quickly interrupted by fear, again. In my throat. Just as the bell sounded.

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