Thursday, September 10, 2009

Control Freak Encounter

There is a knot in my throat. My brain gets going, and starts to elaborate a scenario about the knot. I must be sad because my daughter left today. I need to release the pain. Shed some tears. Breathe into the knot. I get frustrated about the knot still being there, and no weeping yet. Judging. Go back to the breath. Not think about what the knot is about. I am trying to control the process. Wishing, judging, interpreting, . . . I feel tired. Getting bored. Notice knot gone. What happened? Thoughts about work. Planning the end of the afternoon. Breath, in, and out. Shallow. A few times. Knot back. Constricting. Sound of baby crying next door. I get lost. Deep sigh, and a yawn. Then knot again. Thinking about struggle, with my thoughts. How do I step aside, and let the knot be? Breathe, let the breath do its work. And note the struggle. Bell rings. Too soon, almost.

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