It pains me greatly when I hear family members insist on their loved one being treated a certain way that may not be in that person's best interest. I have seen this happen a lot either at hospice or in long term elder care communities.
Once, I watched a granddaughter shake her dying grandmother out of her quiet repose, pinching her cheeks, and yelling in her ears to please respond. Soon, the mother arrived and did the same. Hours ago, I had been sitting with the old woman, breathing with her and holding her hand, as she lied in her bed very peacefully. Mother and granddaughter eventually decided to pull their loved one out of hospice so that she could continue to receive more aggressive cancer treatment in the hospital. The woman died a few weeks later.
Another time, a daughter dictated a grueling care regiment for her frail mother that left the ninety year old woman too exhausted and depressed to eat or participate in her favorite activities. I wondered why wouldn't the daughter want to listen to the staff's recommendations? Why impose daily showers? Why demand more medications, with the unfortunate consequence of adverse side effects? Why obsess over the frequency of her mother's bowel movements? Why insist on a rigid nap schedule? Why?
In each case, well intentioned family members whose idea of love got in the way of their loved one's peace and well being . . . In each case, a person too powerless to voice her own needs, who got subjected to unnecessary suffering in the name of love.
It would be too easy to blame the families. Better instead, try to educate them on the real needs of their loved one. And at a minimum, hold them in one's heart, with compassion and loving kindness for their own suffering.