Monday, March 7, 2011

The Gift of Kind Authenticity

Being real is one value I have strived hard to impart to my daughters. While I have succeeded, it was not always easy bearing the consequences of two very authentic teenagers . . . Still, I am glad. I did not want them to pay the price I did for years lived out of a 'false self'. Better be true and bitchy sometimes, than estranged from one's reality. It took me a very long time to retrieve the ability to be completely myself, owning the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly.

I get taken aback whenever people comment on my authenticity both here in this blog, and also out in my offline life. As if being honest is out of the ordinary . . . I see it otherwise and ask, what is the point of being untrue to oneself, and pretending? How can one relate out of a facade? How can one have a heart to heart connection when one's heart is hidden by a camouflage of automatic behaviors? How can one live this moment, tied by concepts of how one should be instead? 

It is my sense that engaging on the Dharma path requires no less than complete transparency, to one self, and - most of the times - to others. Recognizing what is without any judgment, and relating to others in complete honesty is a great gift indeed. The trick lies in having the wisdom to also practice right speech while communicating the truth, asking oneself the following questions:

is it kind?
is it useful?
is it timely?
does it create concord?

May you be true to yourself, and others. May you be wise. May you be kind.


  1. You made my day again
    Merci !


  2. No matter what we are feeling, being authentic about ourselves is so important - with kids, friends, business colleagues, partners... I find the more true I am to myself and communicate it to others, the easier things seem to go. Plus, I am more accepting of myself and others can be more accepting of me (because my truth isn't always stars and sunshine). Thanks for the great post!

  3. for me the question that always stops me in my tracks is: "is it helpful?" often this will make me think carefully of the words I choose.

    And yes to authenticity? something a bit subtle and so easy to get lost in our culture.

    For my daughter, home schooling helped her to be who she really was, rather than having it decided by some group pressures.

    Thanks for the lovely reminder!

  4. This is so very well said, Marguerite. My daughter feels that this is the most important thing that I've tried to convey to her. I can easily recall how out-of-body I had lived a great deal of my life until I chose consciousness. This change evolved in baby steps, but feels so rewarding to know my own authenticy.
    Thanks for your blogs. They are always rejuvenating.

  5. Stacy, thank you, and yes, it is easier to be real. One less layer to contend with, with the added bonus of wholeness, and resulting joy :)

  6. Carole (ZenDot), the challenge is to remember to stop (before speaking), at least for me!

    Part of social practice . . .

  7. Tess, I can so relate to the out-of-body feel you mention. There was actually a time, when I literally felt disembodied, and lost sensation in my feet and lower legs. Quite debilitating and the beginning of a long journey . . .

  8. Anonymous you, thank you for gift of your appreciation. Receiving comments from friends, also on the path, is such a huge treat!

  9. It takes courage as well as wisdom to be honest with others...

  10. Courage, wisdom, and also the intimate knowledge of suffering involved in not being one self.

  11. Thanks for this - it rings so true. But then, coming from transparency, why wouldn't it?