Innocent Movement

It started during the last day of Mingyur Rinpoche's retreat. An iron hand pressing down on my chest, then slowly moving up to encircle throat, and head. I had the same experience again this morning, during sitting meditation at home. The energy felt even stronger. Remembering Rinpoche's instructions, I knew better than to believe interpreting mind. This was not a panic attack, nor something to be feared, but rather a manifestation of "innocent movement". 

My notes from Rinpoche's talk on the topic:

Innocent movement is a part of meditation process. It is important to recognize and not get attached.

Four signs of innocent movement are:

1. Physical sensations: very real sensations of unusual warmth in stomach or in the head, tingling in the spine, tightness in the throat, chest or stomach
2. Sensitive perceptions: seeing colors, fireflies, visions, or dream like states, sounds, smells that are not real
3. Emotions: feeling of energy, positive or negative, which is partly real, partly not
4. Senses: alternating between up and down, happy and anger, not real

This does not mean that you are special, or that you are going crazy.

Practical steps to take when faced with innocent movement:

1. Drink water
2. Do physical exercise
3. Stop meditation for as long as needed

Taking Rinpoche's prescription to heart, and looking forward to mid-day swim practice :)

My Own Clinging, My Own Doing

Quick, down to tightness in stomach. Awareness zeroing in on the pain, not shying away, as U Pandita's words of urging, start dancing in my mind - from In This Very Life, chapter on Cutting Through to Ultimate Reality by Sharpening the Controlling Faculties:

If in meditation you are able to put on your glasses of concentration, you will be surprised at the variety of changes taking place in what would appear to be a stagnant and uninteresting spot of pain. The deeper the concentration, the deeper your understanding of pain. You will be more and more enthralled the more clearly you can see that these painful sensations are in a constant state of flux, from one sensation to another, changing, diminishing, growing stronger, fluctuating and dancing. Concentration and mindfulness will deepen and sharpen. At times, when the show becomes utterly fascinating, there is a sudden and unexpected end to it, as though the curtain is dropped and the pain just disappears miraculously. 

Exploring painful place. Holding on to what? many things, everything. All concentrated in tiny spot in body, sacred gateway. Joseph Goldstein's mantra, 'nothing to have', comes up, and so does Gil's image of tight hand releasing its grip. U Pandita, Joseph G, Gil, all three wise men supporting me in my investigation. Soon, I start feeling great joy, as I realize the power of no longer being passive victim of tightness, and of instead, taking responsibility for my active role in creating it in the first place.

Tightness gives way all of a sudden to neutral sensation in the chest, soon leading to involuntary shaking of body, sideways at first, then back and forth. Waves of energy rising up and down the spine, just like few days ago. 

From Greed to Rapture

Still fresh from powerful sitting experience . . .

It started with just breath, and the imprint, still fresh in body, of contraction in earlier dream state. A dream about greed, and money, and fear of not having enough, and resulting tightness that did not let love in.

Quickly dropping into the depth of self, I meet contraction, right in the center. Feeling it tighten even more, under the gaze of intent awareness. Tightening, tightening, until it burns my whole inside. Oh! the suffering. From grasping, grasping, more and more . . .  Gentle breath, one after the other, enveloping the inferno, with great patience and love. Paradox of joy from great clarity, and the sense of being at one with reality of hell. Leading to burning mass dissolving into internal cavity, gradients evening out between hotness and coolness.  Happy feeling. Noticing subtle clinging to joy itself. And almost at once, strange sensation in body. Energy rising from base of the spine, and moving up in corkscrew motion, all way up. Soon whole upper body starts rocking back and forth, uncontrollably, in small motions. Energy now moving straight up, in waves. I become cylindric column of energy, and rocking body.

Going back to my notes from Gil's Dharma Day last Friday, about 'Rapture', part of his series on Seven Factors of Awakening - parts relevant to today's experience:

Joy is important part of Buddhist practice, and foundation for practice. It makes it easier to encounter our suffering. Paradoxical nature. Interesting juxtaposition, when seeing suffering and being happy. Often times, energy of mind and attention is fragmented, and drains us. Deep contentment and joy come when energy of attention is settled. Joy can then bubble up from within and fills us. Leading to concentration, energies being unified and flowing easily

Buddha's expected ways of having joy for renunciates:

1. practice, knowing path of liberation
2. freedom from not having mind that has mind of its own
3. being secure enough in oneself to be able to share success of others
4. joy of meditation when mind is deeply concentrated; meditative joy has a lot to do with being absorbed into object of contemplation.
5. mind finds tranquillity 

Importance of being relaxed, and being open, allowing what needs to move through. Looking into currents of experience, feelings, energy.

5 different physical manifestations of meditative joy/rapture:

1. goose bumps
2. flashes
3. waves
4. light
5. equalized

All with varying degrees of intensity. Eventually one becomes tired of it, and starts feeling ordinary again. This helps detach, and move to the next level of change. 

I appreciate Gil's ordinary approach to rapture. A normal experience, just like any other along the path. No more, no less. Not be clinged to, not to be pushed away.