Playing with Concentration and Insight

Inspired by Gil Fronsdal's recent talk on concentration, I digged deeper into the interplay between the two practices of concentration and insight. And came across, The Path of Concentration and Mindfulness, a very helpful article by Thanissaro Bhikkhu on his website. 

Both teachers emphasize the same thing, that concentration and insight cannot be separated, but rather work in concert. This is certainly what I have experienced in my practice:

We start with the intention of concentrating on a chosen object, most commonly the breath or the body. This becomes our frame of reference. Of course, for most of us, the mind does not stay still. Instead, it wants to wander. Hindrances become more obvious. We keep working on bringing back our attention to the breath, and in the process we get to clearly see the arising and passing of hindering thoughts:

What you need at this stage is a fixed point of reference for evaluating the events in the mind, just as when you're trying to gauge the motion of clouds through the sky: You need to choose a fixed point — like a roof gable or a light pole — at which to stare so that you can get a sense of which direction and how fast the clouds are moving. The same with the coming and going of sensual desire, ill will, etc., in the mind: You have to try to maintain a fixed reference point for the mind — like the breath — if you want to be really sensitive to when there are hindrances in the mind — getting in the way of your reference point — and when there are not.

Sometimes, and that was Gil's point during his talk, we are in such a state a mind, that we cannot even make it past the first couple of breaths. The mind is too unsettled and riddled with hindrances. The temptation may be great to abandon sitting altogether. That would be the wrong approach to meditation. Instead, we can make the hindrance the object of our meditation:

Suppose that anger is interfering with your concentration. Instead of getting involved in the anger, you try simply to be aware of when it's there and when it's not. You look at the anger as an event in and of itself — as it comes, as it goes. But you don't stop there. The next step — as you're still working at focusing on the breath — is recognizing how anger can be made to go away. Sometimes simply watching it is enough to make it go away; sometimes it's not, and you have to deal with it in other ways, such as arguing with the reasoning behind the anger or reminding yourself of the drawbacks of anger. In the course of dealing with it, you have to get your hands dirty. You've got to try and figure out why the anger is coming, why it's going, how you can get it out of there, because you realize that it's an unskillful state. And this requires that you improvise. Experiment. You've got to chase your ego and impatience out of the way so that you can have the space to make mistakes and learn from them, so that you can develop a skill in dealing with the anger. It's not just a question of hating the anger and trying to push it away, or of loving the anger and welcoming it.

We shift our attention to the business of setting aside the hindrance. This may be our whole meditation and it can go on for one day, one month, one year or more . . . Still, every time, we start with the breath or the body. Once we have purified our mind enough, then and only then, can we go back to working on truly concentrating on the breath. We want to pursue this lofty goal because a wisely concentrated mind gives us the chance of experiencing a stress-free state, independent of outer conditions. We are developing the inner happiness habit.

This is what happens for most people . . . There is the case also of persons for whom reaching deep concentration for a long time is possible right away. Gil cautioned against getting mistaken by such phenomenon, for it may be that we have learned to dissociate early on in our life, as an adaptive mechanism to traumatic circumstances for instance. Such people may be able to transfer that skill into their meditation practice, and literally cut themselves off from themselves. They are not able to integrate the transient freedom from concentrated states into their lives, and are therefore unable to gain insights into the trappings within their own mind. Their lives remain unchanged, and the opportunity for acquired wisdom and true inner happiness are missed altogether.

Sticky Thoughts and Mindfulness Practice

Sitting, meditating on the breath, or the body, or another object, one gets a chance to become intimate with the mind. Sometimes, all is well, and there is peace, and moments of total ease with the present moment. More often, though, the mind is playing one of its favorite numbers, either wandering, or perseverating with troubling thoughts. The latter is the most difficult to deal with, and requires another medicine besides meditation.

Adapted from the root teaching on The Removal of Distracting Thoughts, are some clear instructions:

We are to reflect on the distracting thoughts. This is a different activity than meditation, and one that complements it. This reflection follows a five step process.

1) Substitution

When unskillful thoughts arise, one should, in order to get rid of them, reflect on a different object which is connected with skillful thoughts. For example, if one is overcome with thoughts of self-loathing, one can try to practice loving kindness, wishing oneself well. 

2) Reflection on cause and effect 

If the unskillful thoughts continue to arise, one should ponder on the disadvantages of unskillful thoughts. What effect do these thoughts have on me? How much misery is created as a result? How does it feel in the body, and in the mind? 

3) Distraction

If the unskillful thoughts continue to arise, one should endeavor to turn one's attention and reflection away from those thoughts. 

4) Investigation of the source

If unskillful thoughts continue to arise, one should reflect on the removal of the (thought) source of those unskillful thoughts. 

5) Forceful removal

If unskillful thoughts continue to arise, one should restrain, subdue and beat down the negative mind with the good mind. 

Closer to us, contemporary Vipassana teachers are dispensing similar teachings.

From U Tejaniya, in Awareness Alone is Not Enough, a teaching about difficult emotions that can also be applied to unskillful thoughts:

When trying to deal with an emotion you can ask yourself  four questions. 

1) First question: “When I am having this emotion, does it make my body and mind feel good or bad?” Does it feel pleasant or unpleasant? If you recognize the emotion every time it arises, and also recognize whether it feels pleasant or unpleasant in body and mind, the mind will start wondering whether it is worth having this emotion. Eventually your mind will realize that it does not have to live with this emotion. Once you know that something does not feel good, are you just going to keep indulging in it?

2) Second question: “What is the emotion about, what is it directed towards?” 

3) Third question: “Why am I having this emotion?” 

4) Fourth question: “Is having this emotion necessary or unnecessary?”

These questions support the practice because they create interest and encourage us to use our intelligence. The moment we get a real answer, when the mind really sees something, it lets go.

From Ayya Khema, in When the Iron Eagle Flies:

"What you could do at such time would be contemplation. Sit down where nobody will disturb you, and focus on the pain to find out its cause, why it should have arisen. Do not be satisfied with an answer such as "Because so-and-so said something"- that's only the superficial cause of it. That would have been the trigger, but there's no cause for mental pain unless there's something inside oneself that is reacting to that trigger. It is useful first to find the outer trigger, which is probably well known to you. It could be a sense of futility, anxiety about the future - any kind of trigger is possible."

"Then you need to find in yourself the reason for the reaction creating pain. The reason has to be "I don't want it the way it is." There can be no other."

But why don't we like it the way it is? Usually the answer is "Because my ego is not supported." The bottom line of the whole inquiry is always the "ego", but it's useless to say, "I know it is my ego" and then continue to have the pain. It is useful , however, to go through the whole process of the trigger, the personal reaction, the inquiry into the cause of the reaction and then the understanding that the reaction is our dukkha and not the trigger. I have a formula: "Don't blame the trigger." Never let the mind stay with the trigger; always investigate what and who is reacting. Unless we find the reaction to the trigger in ourselves, we are going to repeat the same performance with the same result over and over again, like a preprogrammed computer printout. Press the same buttons and the same printout appears, until we finally realize that it is nothing but a button being pressed, and that we don't have to have the same printout. We are in a position to be able to stop ourselves.

In the beginning that may be painful because we have to look at ourselves in a new way. We need no have this exaggerated idea of our own worth, nor do we need an exaggerated idea of our nonworth. We can learn just to accept the way things are. Sitting on the pillow at such a time is very good, but trying to meditate is often useless; contemplate instead. The subject of the contemplation is to be: "The cause of mental pain."

And also:

Some [feelings] are pleasant, some are unpleasant, some are neutral, but our reactions don't have to be preplanned, impulsive, instinctive. We can look at them with mindfulness and put the brakes on. Substitution is much easier than just dropping what is in the mind. Although dropping is the perfect way to get rid of clinging, it is more difficult because it is a letting-go aspect. In the beginning, substitution is a necessary response . . . When aversion, rejection, resistance, anger, jealousy, pride, greed, or craving arise within, we can take a moment to look at them mindfully. When we recognize their burdensome impact on us, we understand that we need not continue to let them exist. We can substitute compassion, or the idea that they are not important, or the understanding of impermanence, or corelessness. This is particularly true of anger, which makes life so very unpleasant for oneself and others. When we get angry with a person, we can ask ourselves first of all, "What am I getting angry at? Is it the hair, the nose, the eyes, or what? Am I getting angry at his words? If it is really unpleasant speech, it means the other person is unhappy. "Why should I get angry, then? Why can't I be compassionate?" If we can change our anger to compassion, we will feel good, the other person will feel good, and we will have taken a step forward on our spiritual path.

From Gil Fronsdal:

By sorting through the unwholesome and the wholesome, we can choose to cultivate the wholesome and let go of the unwholesome. If you feel an inclination to be generous, for example, you can choose to water the seed of generosity by following through on that inclination. You may be able to distinguish mean-spirited feelings and choose to let them go. With enough mindfulness and investigation, you can even choose which thoughts to pursue and which to drop. You may be able to recognize when you are thinking along unwholesome lines and choose to think about something more useful.

From Bikkhu Boddhi, in The Noble Eightfold Path, the Way to the End of Suffering:

Since greed and aversion are deeply grounded, they do not yield easily; however, the work of overcoming them is not impossible if an effective strategy is employed. The path devised by the Buddha makes use of an indirect approach: it proceeds by tackling the thoughts to which these defilements give rise. Greed and aversion surface in the form of thoughts, and thus can be eroded by a process of "thought substitution," by replacing them with the thoughts opposed to them. The intention of renunciation provides the remedy to greed. Greed comes to manifestation in thoughts of desire — as sensual, acquisitive, and possessive thoughts. Thoughts of renunciation spring from the wholesome root of non-greed, which they activate whenever they are cultivated. Since contrary thoughts cannot coexist, when thoughts of renunciation are roused, they dislodge thoughts of desire, thus causing non-greed to replace greed. Similarly, the intentions of good will and harmlessness offer the antidote to aversion. Aversion comes to manifestation either in thoughts of ill will — as angry, hostile, or resentful thoughts; or in thoughts of harming — as the impulses to cruelty, aggression, and destruction. Thoughts of good will counter the former outflow of aversion, thoughts of harmlessness the latter outflow, in this way excising the unwholesome root of aversion itself.

Last, borrowing from the Vipassana tradition, and adapted for the Western psychology culture, are cognitive approaches to dysfunctional thoughts, that are now commonly used to treat depression. Cognitive therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) recognize the importance of becoming aware of negative thought patterns and approaching them in a way that loosens their grip, eventually leading to more skillful mind habits. 

The Ten Knots That Bind Us

Often I find a knot inside, usually not far from the surface. I call it 'the' knot. 

Last night, I learned something new. During his dharma talk about The Ten Fetters, Gil talked about  fetters, as being knots that need to be undone if we are to find ultimate release from suffering. There is not one, but ten different kinds of knot:

First 3 knots are cognitive:

#1. Attachment to personality view

We need to drop the stories we make up about ourselves. Sense of self is part of developmental task, but it ends up getting convoluted. We get into comparison, into who likes us, who doesn't. We need to realize limitations of such selfing. It is a prison. 

(This is a big one for me!)

#2. Clinging to rules and observances

Meaning, precepts and religious practices. We run into problem if we cling to them as absolute. 

#3. Doubt

Knowing freedom is to be found outside the prison walls. 

Next 2 knots are emotional, and harder to change:

#4. Attachment to sensual desires

#5. Attachment to ill will

(Oh! yes . . .)

Last 5 knots relate to attachment to meditative experiences and more subtle levels of consciousness:

#6. Clinging to deep states of meditation

#7. Clinging to meditation experiences where body disappears

#8. Conceit (much deeper rooted than attachment to personality view)

When we compare ourselves to others in any way at all (better, worse, or equal). We need to let go of comparison altogether. We need to let go even of sense of being-ness (no I involved). 

#9 Restlessness of the mind

#10 Ignorance

Full enlightenment is the absence of knots . . . Enlightenment is a gradual process of 'seeing', feeling, and releasing the knot, one by one, through mindfulness, concentration, and insight. My sense is this is not a linear process. 

I have been feeling a knot most of today. A knot, to do with emotions. Not liking, wanting . . . 

Do you have a knot, right now?

Recognizing and Overcoming the Challenges of Mindfulness Practice

Every day, I have been reading a few pages of  The Wings of Awakening, Thanissaro Bikkhu's compiling and commentary of the Buddha's most important teachings, as declared by the Buddha himself. And I am struck by the clarity of the instructions at our disposal. From there to the question, how come not more practice from more people, only one small step that I would like to cross here. 

We know what to do. We know the reward. So, what's the problem?

Starting with myself, I need to reflect on all the moments when I am not mindful, all the missed opportunities to steady the mind and gain more wisdom, all the small forks in the road when I choose the mindless route. Why spend time surfing the Internet, when I could be practicing? Why get impatient while waiting for something, somewhere, when I could use the time as a mindful pause? Why go shopping for more clothes that I don't really need, when I could choose to sit instead and learn from the underline anxiety? Why all those moments, spent acting against my own self-interest?

I sat down this morning and reflected on all the reasons why I have not been more mindful, and why potentially others are not either. And came down with this list:

Let me start first by blaming the environment :). Silicon Valley, out of all places is not exactly conducive to the practice of mindfulness. In the world of Facebook and Google, it is easy to loose sight of the real thing. 

Second is laziness. It takes great mental energy to stay mindful. This is why right effort is part of the teachings. To not give into the temptation to escape a difficult moment, whether because of physical or mental pain, requires willpower. 

Third is the compulsion of mindless computing. The web has brought me so many wonderful gifts, including ready access to the teachings and to many Dharma friends. It has also hooked my mind into unhealthy habits that are hard to give up. 

Fourth is delusion, or the mind's tendency to fool itself into thinking erroneous thoughts. Leading me to drown into hindrances, for a bit too long before I can see them for what they really are. 

This is why I need the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha to keep me on task, 24/7. The Buddha, whose gentle wisdom welcomes me each time I open my computer:

The Dharma, to be found at Access to Insight, the awesome repository of teachings, accessible through just one click. The Sangha in its many forms: online here and also on Twitter and Facebook, but more importantly, in the flesh at Insight Meditation Center, my local center. Making the time each week to reconnect, and remember to practice as I join my friends there for a sitting, followed by a talk from our teacher, Gil Fronsdal.

Which are your greatest challenges to mindfulness practice? 

Ways to Concentration in Meditation

Gil's talk last night was the second one in a series of three on concentration. Amongst many other things, Gil talked about counting breaths as a way to develop single pointed concentration, counting until ten, one number for each breath, and then starting over. If the mind gets lost on the way, simply start over from one. I have tried this method and found that it does not work so well for me. I become too preoccupied with keeping track of the number, and gather some unwanted tension in the process. No, better for me instead is one of these two methods:

First is not counting, but instead focusing on the rising and falling of the abdomen, sometimes saying silently and softly to myself 'rising', 'falling', 'rising', 'falling', etc . . . This, I got from U Pandita. When the pause is long between the out and in breaths, I may even insert a 'pausing' in there. This way, the mind's got no opportunity to branch out and fabricate.

The other way is simply to say one on the in breath and two on the out breath, with each breath. 

How about you? What do you do to still the mind?

Until Only the Mountain Remains

The other part of Gil's talk earlier this week dealt with the other side of clinging. Here are my notes:

If you have to let go, you have already missed the boat . . .  the boat of staying in touch with peace, that is. Hopefully you will come to a place when you don't cling, you don't pick up, you don't react. This can happen once we have let go deep enough, and we can lean towards that non reactive stance. The more we get to know it, we can call upon our visceral memory of that experience. We recognize, there is stillness there, right in the middle of the day. And when something occurs, we don't let it ruffle us. The mind is so open, that it does not move. If you have let go, and have experienced some degree of peace, notice what you are willing to give it up for, e.g. letting go of peace for a red light, or for the sake of righteous clinging to a noble cause. 

What are you willing to give up peace for? What do you sacrifice it for? Is it worth it?

The birds have vanished into the sky,

and now the last cloud drains away.

We sit together, the mountain and me, 

until only the mountain remains.

~ Li Po (8th century Chinese poet) ~

Many times throughout the day, the possibility of choice arises. This road, or that one. Will I let mind go the lazy way of clinging or aversion? Or is the mind now convinced enough, and willing to let go? Been there, done that. In the end, it is a matter of remembering the suffering involved during times before, the pain from more constriction in the body, and in the mind.  It is also about having the presence of mind to notice what is really happening. 

Back to Gil's questions,  sitting this morning and dwelling amidst the peace of breath coming and going softly, and birds happily tweeting, it was clear where the risk lied. Thoughts about 'I' kept interrupting, 'I' in various situations, mostly in the future, and I could notice the beginning of trouble. Back to the breath, back to hearing sounds, and peace could become a possibility again. Still, I wondered, why this need of the mind to create such stories about 'me'? 

Until only the mountain remains, many more moments of sitting, with myself . . . 

What is your answer to those questions?

What Am I Clinging To?

Gil's talk last night was in large part devoted to the topic of 'turning towards clinging'. Listening to him reminding me of the importance of asking oneself the question: 'What am I a clinging to?' over and over again. Getting in touch with the second noble truth, as I did yesterday.

Sitting in my office, all to the joy of working, I got interrupted by rant from loved one about some stupid (to me at least) little thing. I knew better than to react back. I did all the right things. Took a breath, briefly surveyed mind, and said no to unskillful thoughts. I voiced what seemed like a reasonable response, and shared my honest feelings. After a while, loved one came to his senses and moved on. I didn't, and felt increasingly bothered as the day progressed. By evening, sitting at IMC with the rest of the sangha, I had turned into a hot coal, smoldering with anger. There was nothing to do, but sit patiently, being with heat rising all the way up to the top of my head, and the tightness from aversion to this unwished for reaction. 

Then, Gil spoke:

We need to eventually release whatever we are holding on to. As mindfulness matures, we become more and more inclined to take responsibility for our clinginess, e.g. what holding on to anger or resentment does inside of us in reaction to what other person has done. We don't turn away from the clinging but we turn into it. We need to understand our problem by bringing our attention to it and feeling it fully. It is not so much about thinking about as feeling our experience. We feel the unpleasantness, and our dislike of it. We get close and intimate with our bad feelings. Eventually our dislike and resistance to it fall away. Same thing with liking. Turning toward, sitting still, we feel what we are feeling, e.g. if feeling lousy, just feel lousy, instead of feeling lousy and hating it. This may take some time, as we let ourselves feel the clinging. We need to be patient, allowing whatever needs to unfold. There is an art in holding 'it' and letting the reaction fall away. Then we get a chance to see what we are holding to, e.g. beliefs, etc.

Break open a cherry tree,

and there are no flowers.

But the spring breeze 

brings forth myriad blossoms.

~ Ikkyu Sojun ~

Sitting, listening to Gil's recitation of the poem, meanwhile holding the unpleasantness, all of a sudden, a flash of insight, 'I am clinging to peace.' Loved one had interrupted my much cherished peace, and I had been resentful ever since the interruption. Why such an attachment to peace, and aversion to its enemy, conflict? I've got reasons, having been raised in a conflict-ridden home, with an angry father, always ready to erupt at the slightest (perceived) provocation. 

Sitting, I experienced the liberation from having understood the source of the clinging. I had been caught, only I did not know to what. 

A good reminder for next time unease arises . . . 

What are you clinging to?

Letting Go, Letting Into

Last night at IMC, Gil gave a very good talk on 'Wise Letting Go'. Here are my notes - you can listen to the whole talk on AudioDharma:

We all need to learn to let go wisely. Letting go is a skill, one that can help us let go in ways that enhance our life and give us joy, as opposed to us getting into more trouble. 

A good place to start is to let go of compulsive thinking, so that our mind can experience some peace. This can be practiced during meditation. We let go of clinging in our mind, and we experience firsthand the resulting lightness. This can then translate into situations outside of meditation. For instance, letting go of limiting ideas around losses from physical limitations associated with old age. "Be someone who becomes old and decrepit happily!", instead of assuming that you are going to be unhappy. Asking oneself, what are deep things I have to let go of?

Another place is letting go of compulsive, self-limiting behaviors. We often confuse pleasure and happiness. Letting go can involve things that limit ourselves such as fear, shyness, etc. For instance, we may let go by practicing mustering the courage to have a difficult but necessary conversation. 

There are two aspects of letting go. Letting go of something, e.g. diving board. And letting into something, e.g. water, in other words what is gained in process. It could be more peace, joy, being in present moment more fully, etc. . . 

Gil ended by asking us to reflect on: 

In which ways can letting go better me? What do I need to let go of? And what does it lead me into?

One big letting go for me has been around fear. It took many moments of sitting still and of realizing the extent of the suffering that comes with worried, anxious states. Eventually, both heart and mind have become convinced of the imperious need to let go of this hard wired habit.  Fear still visits often, but it no longer exerts such a strong pull. Of greater appeal is the possibility of peace that comes when mind lets go and relaxes in the simplicity of the present moment.

How would you answer Gil's questions?

The Truth Behind Desire

I was so glad I went to IMC on Monday. Gil gave a great talk on 'desire'.

Here are my notes:

Desire is not to be rid of. Rather, we need to have a wise relationship with it. Some desires are worth having, others are not. Each time, we need to carefully evaluate, is this wise or not? is this helpful or not? Sometimes compulsion makes it impossible to have that reflection. To evaluate, we need to look at the consequences for ourselves, and also for others. 

Desires are layered. We need to look at the surface desire, and what is the motivation underneath the desire. The quality of our intention has a big impact on the overall quality of our life. Are we motivated primarily by love or hostility, generosity or greed? We need to ask what is the the main purpose for our life, and then evaluate each of our desires against that purpose. 

We need to understand who is in charge? Us, or the desire? Are we in such a state of calm, contentment, and clarity, that we can see the desire and then have no need to pick it up? 

Simple guidelines. Important wisdom. Not taking desire at face value.

I know for myself, there has been many times when seemingly 'good' desire was in fact rooted in greed. And while I had a subconscious, intuitive sense of the truth, I chose to ignore it, not realizing the ultimate price. Conversely, I have also noticed how 'bad' impulses often arise out of a hurt place. Next time ill will arises, I will not be so quick to judge and feel even worse for it. There is a loving path to take there, that leads to a place of non reactivity and self-compassion. 

How do you relate to desire?

Pulling Out Some Weed

This time, I was quicker at noticing the nascent weed.

It rose up, just like that, a few days ago. Just one thought, at first, soon followed by many more in the same 'worry' family. From worry to blame, to anger, to depression, only a short few steps quickly taken. It took me six days to get out of it. It was that strong.

Gil's recent talk on the hindrances was timely. Here are my notes:

It is important to see what can take us away from mindfulness, namely the hindrances. The meaning of the word 'hinder' is 'to cover over'. The challenge is in noticing when we are about to get caught and in not picking up the hindrance. There lies the possibility for release and freedom. 

We need to cultivate such moment, so that we can understand how we get caught.

The five hindrances:

sensual desire

ill will or aversion - to attack, blame, push away, not want, destroy

sloth and torpor - dull, sinking mind, depression, a response to aversion

restlessness and remorse

doubt

All universal tendencies that should not be taken personally. When we encounter them, we can tell ourselves, great, I get to study it. This way we understand our humanity. We can release ourselves little by little by stepping back and not getting caught. The hindrances can be seen as five unhealthy strategies we adopt when we are uncomfortable. The danger is in loosing ourselves if we focus on the object. The movement of mindfulness is to turn our attention to what it feels to be desiring or aversive. We can become aware of the cost of the anger to ourselves. Some times, looking is counter indicated if it triggers more agitation, more desire, more aversion. With aversion, we then practice loving kindness. With desire, we use our imagination as antidote, seeing the undesirable qualities of the object. With sloth and torpor, we don't give in, we study what it feels like. With restlessness, we make the radical move to sit still. With doubt, the most dangerous of all because so pernicious, we need to be extra vigilant.

This week, I felt the full power of the hindrances marching in pack, as they often do. And it was quite humbling, to say the least. The mind has ways of convincing itself that it is right, when it is indeed wrong. The mind has trouble owning one's troubles, and wants to put it 'out there', in this case, one person. 

Many weeds that keep growing back, and the constant job required of tending one's inner garden. 

How many weeds in your garden? 

5 Ways to Practice Generosity

From Gil's recent talk on generosity, I have taken away these 5 practices of generosity (as part of broader mindfulness practice):

1. Do exactly what you are already doing, but infuse it with a spirit of generosity.

2. Look for opportunities for small acts of generosity that you would not generally do, and study yourself before, during, and after.

3. Look for situations in which you are inspired to give, and do it, and if you can't think of anything look at that.

4. Stretch yourself in being generous, and give in ways that are hard for you, even if just a little; explore what it's like.

5. Practice doing an act of generosity to someone you are in conflict with, and explore what happens inside.

And while practicing generosity, keep the following principles in mind:

When practicing generosity or giving, you don't have to FEEL generous.

Wise generosity is about how to benefit oneself, and how to benefit others.

We should give in a way that does not harm oneself, and does not harm others.

We should give out of obligation but because it feels like a beneficial things to do.

HOW one give is more important than WHAT one gives.

To Gil's points, I would like to add my own twist:

Paying attention to the body and mind's movements as one considers giving or not giving. Is there tightening, or expansion in the body, the heart, the mind? Tightening is clear indication of the need to bring ease into one's approach, either needing to relax into being more generous, or its opposite, withholding misguided giving.

For now, I shall focus on the first and fifth practices. The fifth one because of current circumstances. And the first one because it goes hand in hand with casual, moment to moment mindfulness. 

What is your relationship with generosity? How do you practice? Do you?

6 Rewards of Loving Kindness Practice

I am a big fan of loving kindness practice. It took me a while, years actually to warm up to it, but now I could not imagine life without it. Today, during his Dharma talk at IMC, Gil gave six reasons to give into metta:

Loving kindness is a way of protecting ourselves - from negative thoughts, ill will, greed,  . . . 

Loving kindness creates social harmony - through our kind thoughts, words, and actions.

Loving kindness helps us sleep better - falling asleep more easily, and waking up more rested. 

Loving kindness acts as reference point to see ourselves better - making it more obvious the things that need to be resolved, the anger that has been festering, etc.

Loving kindness can be used as a concentration practice - helping with fragmentation.

Loving kindness supports the practice of liberation of freedom.

May you be at peace, may you be at ease!

16 Steps With the Breath

Following last week's talk by Gil on the Anapanasati sutta, I have been meaning to dig deeper and articulate for myself the 16 steps regarding mindfulness of breathing as a full practice. Here is what I understand, based on Gil's talk and reading the Anapanasati sutta:

By focusing one's attention on the breath, one can develop mindfulness, concentration, and insight. We alternate between just being present and changing the experience. Focusing on the breath helps with staying in the present. This requires an active use of our attention. This is not about being passive.

Breathing in long he knows ‘I am breathing in long.’ 

Breathing in short he knows ‘I am breathing in short.’ [1] 

Breathing out long he knows ‘I am breathing out long.’ 

Breathing out short he knows ‘I am breathing in short.’ [2] 

The Buddha says, just know the quality of your breath. Breathing is used as a reference point, that makes it easier to see what the mind does. Also because the attention goes to breathing, one is starving the distractions. 

He trains himself ‘breathing in, I experience the whole body.’ 

‘breathing out, I experience the whole body.’[3] 

In the process, we become aware of bodily formations - what is there in the body because of activities of the mind. The various sensations.

He trains himself, ‘breathing in, I calm the bodily formation.’ 

‘breathing out, I calm the bodily formation.’ [4] 

Then we relax and soften those sensations. 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in experiencing joy.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out experiencing joy.’[5] 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in experiencing pleasure. 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out experiencing pleasure. [6] 

Some energy gets released, and we experience relief. We let ourselves feel the resulting joy and happiness.

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in experiencing mental formation.’

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out experiencing mental formation.’[7]

Same way, we became aware of the bodily formations, we become aware of the mental formations - the effects on the mind of how we use the mind. We feel what is going on in the mind. We look at what is feeding the mental activity: emotions, anxiety, worry. We get to know the overall state of our mind.

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in calming the mental formation.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out calming the mental formation.’[8] 

Then we relax what goes on in the mind little by little. 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in experiencing the mind.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out experiencing the mind.’[9] 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in pleasing the mind.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out pleasing the mind.’[10]

We have the experience of soft mind. 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in concentrating the mind.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out concentrating the mind.’[11] 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in releasing the mind.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out releasing the mind.’[12] 

This is an iterative process, we get to watch what happens in the mind and the body when we tighten. We learn how to be aware and to relax. How to liberate the mind. We are not letting go of, but rather letting go into peace, into being more relaxed. We go between knowing something and doing something about it, back and forth. We are breathing with our experience of body and mental states. The breath is what keeps us centered. We are not only focusing on the breath, but we also track what is going on in the present moment. 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in observing impermanence.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out observing impermanence.’[13] 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in observing dispassion.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out observing dispassion.[14] 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in observing cessation.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out observing cessation.’[15] 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath in observing relinquishment.’ 

He trains himself, ‘I will breath out observing relinquishment.’[16] 

The last four steps are about cultivating insight. We realize the things we cling to that are not worth clinging to. The thing we cling to start fading away as we become disinterested. Knowing something well enough is sometimes all that's needed to let go. 

This in a nutshell was Gil's lecture.

Of course, the question that comes up for me, and that I did not think of asking after the talk, is of how to calm the mental formations? Many times throughout the sutta, the Buddha repeats "having put aside greed and distress for the world". I take it to mean that we take a stance and we decide to drop our habitual way. While sitting, we no longer get hooked into greed, ill will, worry, and sorrow. Instead we choose to dwell in the truth of breath, in and out, in and out, through body sitting still, and we do not linger in the mental formations that cause us unnecessary tensions and suffering. This is how I understand taking refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. This is where (previously verified) faith comes in.

What To Do During Meditation

Gathered from Gil Fronsdal's talk the other night, these simple instructions on what 'to do' while meditating - my notes from the talk, not verbatim:

Using the image of the cowherd looking after his cows, we are presented with two options when sitting, looking after our thoughts.

First, is if the cows are out while the rice fields are not yet harvested, the cowherd needs to keep track of his cows very closely so that the cows do not damage the crop. Similarly, there are times when we need to watch our mind and thoughts very closely. Telling ourselves, don't go there, don't do that. Being like a vigilant cowherd with his little stick. 

The other way is taking on a relaxed attitude, being like the cowherd standing propped up against a tree,  and simply keeping an eye on the cows roaming around. We are letting go of our thoughts as they come, not getting involved.  

Part of the wisdom factor is to know when one way is useful and not the other. We learn this through trial and error.

In our modern Western culture, we are plagued with a variety of neuroses that may dictate which approach is generally best suited for our practice. If we are in the camp of  'I am inadequate, I can't do this', being told to practice diligently will be counterproductive and we will end up tying ourselves into a knot instead of becoming more free. What is needed instead in that case, is a message of radical acceptance. For others there is a risk of complacency if they let their mind think freely. This may result in supporting unhealthy attachments and perpetuating the state of bondage that keep us from finding inner freedom.

With proper attention, we notice the consequences of our thoughts and behaviors, and learn to discern which activities of the mind are skillful and which ones are not. To step back or to probe deeply and investigate like a surgeon, that's an individual matter. 

Actually, not just an individual matter, to be settled once and for all, but rather a moment to moment decision that needs to be constantly re-evaluated depending on one's constantly changing states of mind. I know for myself, there are days when I tend to be more on the tense side, and a relaxed attitude is what I need to cultivate. Other times, when the mind is dull or not concentrated enough, I need to err more on the side of putting effort into concentrating and gathering my thoughts. Also, when the hindrances are  strong and threaten to take over both mind and heart, I need to be extra vigilant and take a very active role with the thoughts. Hearing Blanche Hartman, "No, not getting into that train [of thoughts]." 

The Truth and Delusion of Mind Made Experience

Taking a walk this morning, I felt drawn to listen to an old talk from Gil, on the Dhammapada. The ancient text goes like this:

All experience is preceded by mind,

Led by mind,

Made by mind.

Speak or act with a corrupted mind,

and suffering follows

As the wagon wheel follows the hoof of the ox.

All experience is preceded by mind,

Led by mind,

Made by mind.

Speak or act with a peaceful mind,

And happiness follows

Like a never-departing shadow.

"He abused me, attacked me,

Defeated me, robbed me!"

For those carrying on like this,

Hatred does not end.

"She abused me, attacked me,

Defeated me, robbed me!"

For those not carrying on like this,

Hatred ends.

Hatred never ends through hatred.

By non-hate alone does it end.

This is an ancient truth.

The words and Gil's commentary came as much needed medicine for my unruly mind. Unguarded thoughts have been running havoc and brought much turmoil in both body and mind. Hence the severe pain in my right shoulder that reached a climax in the past few days. Muscles tensing to marble like hardness and compressing a nerve. I need to stop and take a look and change my ways of mind. Whining, hatred of outer conditions, identification with 'poor me' self have caused enough unhappiness.

I have little control over some circumstances. I also have little control over the mind. 

I can keep on practicing however. Over and over, bringing the attention back to the mind. What am I thinking? Is it wholesome? Is it helpful? Where does it really come from? How else can I view this moment? 

Not trusting the mind . . . 

Emotions, From All Four

Fear, anger, excitement, . . . it's been quite a ride lately, and a marvelous opportunity to practice Gil's recent teaching on The Four Foundations of Emotions. Many times I took a mindful pause, and took turn watching from each of four places. 

First, the body. 

Heat rising up to the head, down all the way to each fingertip. Anger.

Butterflies dancing . . . It's getting cold. Fear.

Flesh effacing. No blocks. Only gladness.

Second, the feeling.

That one usually comes easily into awareness.

Unpleasant, unpleasant, unpleasant, 

testing my ability to bear.

Third, the state of mind.

Noticing aversion, lots of it,

and never far behind, its close cousin: 

greed for what cannot be had.

Fourth, getting into the subtleties.

Which story is being whispered

by deluded mind,

that's causing all the trouble?

The words popped up at once. "Can't be trusted." I felt anger towards myself as I recognized the familiar voice, that threatened to take me down once more. Only this time, I heard it loud enough that I could talk back, and say "No, not buying it." and I could think of a million reasons why I could count on myself.

What is your story? How do you approach your emotions, particularly the difficult ones?

Down the List of Ten Perfections

In Pali, the Paramis. In Sanskrit, the Paramitas. They are the Ten Perfections, the inner qualities called for by the Buddha. For a long time, I stayed away . . . Hindrances, suffering, impermanence, not self, cravings . . . those I could take. The Ten Perfections on the other hand, reminded me too much of my long ago struggle with, well . . . perfection.

Going past the word itself, I finally took a good look at the Paramis list, and realized I had been in fact cultivating every single one of these qualities during the course of my practice, on and off the cushion. Only, I had not thought of them as 'a list', but rather as separate qualities that sprung up organically, as required by inner and outer circumstances.

Here is the list of  Ten Perfections:

Generosity

Although I do not consider myself a particularly generous person, I realize my definition of generosity has been too limited. I used to think of generosity only in terms of money and sacrifice. More recently, I have expanded its meaning to signify a natural impulse from the heart to give of one's resources. In my case, this has meant volunteering, connecting people, sharing my knowledge, and providing psychological help.

Virtue

Not until I went on last year's retreat with Ruth Denison, did I connect the dots between morality and being blameless with the ability to lead a peaceful and happy life. During the retreat, I was able to clearly see the impact of past misdeeds on the mind. That was enough to convince me of the merits of the virtuous life, not just for others but myself also. To ask the question often, 'Is this the right thing to do?'

Renunciation 

I would say my whole practice has been about renunciation. Recognizing that which is causing unnecessary suffering, i.e. clinging, and letting go of it. Dwelling in the body has been most useful in that regard, seeing the direct connection between the unpleasantness of physical tension and craving mind states. Shifting the attention away from the objects of craving to the pain of the craving itself, and working on relaxing it.

Wisdom

Oh! wisdom . . . Wisdom from reading the teachings, and listening to talks from wise teachers. Wisdom from finding out for myself, during formal meditation and also the endless string of situations from daily life. Wisdom, or the ability to know and understand rightly. 

Energy

Looking inside, I feel strong even during moments of weakness. This strength comes from knowing the value of all the wisdom stored within, always accessible. That certainty gives one the energy to go on, and to address any situation. Every moment lived mindfully, a new opportunity to strengthen one's wisdom muscle, and to grow stronger. 

Patience

If not a patient person to begin with, life will teach you. I have found that out . . . Many times, I have not been dealt what I wished for, and I have had to wait. Like a wild horse, I used to complain, and try to hasten outcomes. And I learned the hard way, about the foolishness of impatience. Much suffering, I could have avoided, if only I had been able to tame the horse. From such repeated experiences, I have come to honor patience.

Truthfulness

This quality, I have cultivated for a very long time, and in turn have strived to inculcate it into my daughters. I do not suffer fakes gladly. From a childhood spent hiding behind a false self, and the exorbitant price I ended up paying in my young adulthood, I learned the value of being real to myself, and with others. No time to waste in pseudo exchanges. Instead, appreciating the value of heart to heart connections, even with strangers.

Determination

To keep on going on the path, even in the midst of great difficulties, inner or outer or both, takes persistence. Most convincing factor has been to find out what happens whenever I step off, and I stop practicing. I have observed this often during the course of my travels, when I do not have the support of my home practice and local sangha, and I take my mind off things. How painful then, the feeling of being  estranged and cut off from the well of aliveness within. It pays to stay determined. 

Loving kindness

To take the hard edge off determination, comes in loving kindness, a warm quality that I am learning to appreciate, more and more. Telling oneself the magic words, to rewire the brain. 'May I be at peace, may I be happy, may I be at ease, may I be well and free from suffering . . .' Meanwhile directing one's energy toward the heart, relaxing tensions in the body, allowing space for the harder qualities to do their work. Loving kindness, it's soft and fuzzy, and very powerful.

Equanimity

Welcoming everything, pushing nothing away . . . as I was taught during Zen Hospice training. So much calm to be gained from not dreading any outer or inner circumstances. Again, from practicing, I have learned the joy of turning toward, rather than shrinking away from. Often summoning Rumi's words from his poem, The Guest House. Anger, fear, desire, sorrow, . . . welcoming them all, steady as a rock. 

Now, I invite you to go down the list again, this time engaging in an exercise I learned from Gil. Looking at each perfection, ask yourself those three questions: Do I value it? Do I overlook it? Do I not resonate with it?

What comes up?

Breath and Body Practice

Buried in an old talk from Gil, I found a confirmation of what I learned from Ruth last year. That the mind does not do well left on its own device. That concentrating on the breath is not enough sometimes, particularly during the gaps between in and out breath. That the mind is then to land on the various touch points in the body. Feet touching the floor, hands clasped, buttocks resting on the chair. Back and forth, between breath and feet, or breath and hands . . . whichever part of the body is most compelling.

This is a practice that has served me well whenever I seek to cultivate concentration. Try it if you haven't already!

Like an Elephant

A Buddhist Response to the Japanese Disaster.

Earthquake, tsunami, are scary enough, but news of the nuclear disaster of the kind  in Fukushima have taken my anxiety to another level. I have had the hardest time concentrating and doing work during the past twenty four hours. Gil's talk last night about the Buddhist Approach to Facing Challenges in Life  came as a welcomed balm of wisdom. Here are my notes from the talk:

We train to have the capacity to be present for whatever happens in the world so that we don't get pushed around by our reactivity. 

The Buddhist teachings challenge us to meet the tremendous existential issues that befall us. Meditating is a radical act, that we continue throughout the day as we stay present for what is. The Buddha's life can be viewed as a metaphor, as he leaves the protection of his castle, and encounters the tsunami of life, i.e. old age, sickness, and death, and chooses to face it instead of retreating back. 

Our first task is to develop the capacity to be present and see. Then comes the question of, am I obligated to respond? Buddhism obligates no one to do anything. Rather it leaves us to the workings of our own heart. The open heart will want to respond. Hence the Buddhist response is, listen to your heart and let it move you. If we do not respond, we do violence to ourselves by bottling up our response. 

We ought to become aware of attitude present in our response. If a fly lands on an ant, it is a big deal for the ant. If a fly lands on an elephant, it is not big deal for the elephant. When faced with a challenge, do we react as an ant or an elephant? Hopefully, our practice is training us to be an elephant that can respond and take action in the world. We don't need a metaphysical understanding of the world. It is enough to respond. 

Regarding the current situation in Japan, we can donate money. Or, we can take the energy in our urge to respond and apply it to doing what we are already doing even better. If we are a teacher, we become an even better teacher, etc . . .

First, seeing crippling anxiety for what it is, a manifestation of ant like powerlessness, and a hindrance to overcome. Second, transforming the fear into action, pouring even more energy into what matters to me most, i.e. bettering the lives of those living with Alzheimer's.

How are you responding to the news in Japan? What are you doing? How is your practice helping? Please share.

Mindfulness of the Body

Last night, I had the good fortune of attending Gil's second talk on Mindfulness of the Body, part of his  series on the Satipatthana Sutta on The Foundations of Mindfulness. I came out enthralled. Here are my notes from Gil's talk, along with the original text - all quotes from Bhikkhu Boddhi's translation of The Middle Length Discourses of the Buddha:

And how, bhikkhus, does a bhikkhu abide contemplating the body as a body? 

Mindfulness of the body in and of itself, without the filter of identification, comparative thinking, judgements, interpretations. Letting go of the stress of thinking. Keeping it very simple. 

Here a bhikkhu, gone to the forest or to the root of a tree or to an empty hut, sits down; 

Going to a place where things are simple and where we are supported in our process. A quiet place.

having folded his legs crosswise, set his body erect and established mindfulness in front of him, 

Making the choice to plant myself in this place here and now. Taking the time to remind myself, 'I am here'. We are putting aside our life as usually lived, to instead examine life now. Maybe we use a ritual, as is done in zen - rocking back and forth, and side to side, finding our center, before sitting perfectly still.

ever mindful he breathes in, mindful he breathes out. 

Breath is always happening and has a rhythm. By following the breath, it is easier to let go of thoughts. This process takes time, and cannot be achieved right away. We find that we can be present more and more as we keep on returning to the breath.

Breathing in long, he understands: 'I breathe in long'; or breathing out long, he understands: 'I breathe out long.' Breathing in short, he understands: 'I breathe in short'; or breathing out short, he understands: 'I breathe out short.' 

We are not just following the breath. We pay attention to its characteristics and its sensations. We train the mind to see what's there. For this we have to be relaxed.  

He trains thus: 'I shall breathe in experiencing the whole body'; he trains thus: 'I shall breathe out experiencing the whole body.' 

We feel the changes in the whole body as the breath moves in and out. Or a particular spot in the body.

He trains thus: 'I shall breathe in tranquillising the bodily formation'; he trains thus: 'I shall breathe out tranquillising the bodily formation.'

A bodily formation is that which is formed/created  experience in our body, and is conditioned by what the mind does. As for instance, a tightening up of the body as a result of desiring something. We don't just feel the tension to know it, but also to relax it, particularly as we breathe out. Some tensions can be relaxed, others can take a long time. At the very least, we can soften around the tension. It is easier to pay attention to the physical tension connected with thoughts, and to relax it, than to try to let go of the thoughts. Unless we relax the body, it is hard to let go of the tension in the mind. (feedback loop of some kind). This is why we need to meditate in a place that feels safe.

Sitting this morning, on my usual seat, in the quietness of my home office, I made sure to establish my intent to dwell in the present moment. And I practiced following the breath, returning to it every time the mind wandered off. And I felt the minute changes in my whole body, the expansion and the deflation with each going in and out of breath. And I became very aware of the familiar tightness in the midst of the stomach. A long held tension, that I could only hope to appease. Sending my attention to other parts of the body as well. The feet, the hands, the spine, . . . relaxed. Feeling what it's like to be at ease. Thoughts relaxing as well.

Acknowledging this latter point as wisdom, inherited from Ruth during my retreat with her last year:

'I went to her [Ruth Denison] wondering what to do about familiar experience of irritation and tightness in the throat and the stomach. In the past, I had followed other teachers' instructions to linger on the unpleasantness, and it had not worked. Ruth had a different take. "Don't focus on it. The energy is blocked there. Turn your attention to your hands instead, and feel them. Slowly move them up and down. Do you notice any change? What do you feel? Now open and close them. Feeling anything? Then now, rest your hands on your lap, and feel." So simple.

Now, will you join me? Mindfulness of the body, as a gateway to inner freedom . . .