Saturday, January 30, 2010

My Own Clinging, My Own Doing

Quick, down to tightness in stomach. Awareness zeroing in on the pain, not shying away, as U Pandita's words of urging, start dancing in my mind - from In This Very Life, chapter on Cutting Through to Ultimate Reality by Sharpening the Controlling Faculties:
If in meditation you are able to put on your glasses of concentration, you will be surprised at the variety of changes taking place in what would appear to be a stagnant and uninteresting spot of pain. The deeper the concentration, the deeper your understanding of pain. You will be more and more enthralled the more clearly you can see that these painful sensations are in a constant state of flux, from one sensation to another, changing, diminishing, growing stronger, fluctuating and dancing. Concentration and mindfulness will deepen and sharpen. At times, when the show becomes utterly fascinating, there is a sudden and unexpected end to it, as though the curtain is dropped and the pain just disappears miraculously. 
Exploring painful place. Holding on to what? many things, everything. All concentrated in tiny spot in body, sacred gateway. Joseph Goldstein's mantra, 'nothing to have', comes up, and so does Gil's image of tight hand releasing its grip. U Pandita, Joseph G, Gil, all three wise men supporting me in my investigation. Soon, I start feeling great joy, as I realize the power of no longer being passive victim of tightness, and of instead, taking responsibility for my active role in creating it in the first place.

Tightness gives way all of a sudden to neutral sensation in the chest, soon leading to involuntary shaking of body, sideways at first, then back and forth. Waves of energy rising up and down the spine, just like few days ago. 

3 comments:

  1. it seemed so small when I reread what I wrote, and yet so huge inside!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am happy I read this. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete

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