Sunday, January 17, 2010

An Old Blue Purse

It hit me at once. Fear, right in the pit of my stomach. Big, primal. In the midst of cleaning up my closet,  and sorting through all the purses. Some from years back, before I even had the children. Holding the pervenche blue Bottega Veneta bag, I felt pinch in my heart. Flashback to former self, long gone, of young woman, working as ad exec in Chicago. When brands mattered, and I felt completely estranged from myself. Sadness, and grief over years spent in oblivion, not really living. And fear of life turning, inexorably, towards certain death. Not one minute to be wasted, NOT being mindful. This is no joke.

6 comments:

  1. Not a minute WAS wasted, Dhamma-sister- not a single one.

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  2. Hummm . . . You are probably right, Emily. In retrospect, this strikes me more as a moment of being lost in thinking mind! Not that it matters, since result is even more determination to continue on the path.

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  3. This strikes home a bit for me. I live in Chicago and although I absolutely love living in the city, although there's certainly an aspect of it I don't like at all - particularly the materiality of many of the people living in the city. It's so easy to get caught up in everything...working more, buying more, going to the hottest restaurants, buying the most fashionable clothes, etc. It can certainly be a vicious cycle if you don't stay mindful.

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  4. Thanks Nate. I guess what hit me was the inexorability of time passing. I once shared tweet, saying 'time has no feeling' . . . What we do with our precious time on Earth is up to us. We can either take the path of consciousness or not. And if we don't, there is the great sadness of a life, lived in the darkness. When I look back, every stride in consciousness I have made, stemmed from great suffering, and the desire to find meaning in suffering.

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  5. And it all led up to this point, this point in life where you have this wonderful Dharma practice that you share with us all, that we can all identify with. Nothing is ever wasted.

    And what I am learning these days from my homeless friend is that truly we are not in control, it is about trust and faith that there is something bigger at work, than our little selves. It is about sitting with things and finding in our hearts "what is it good to do next" then we are led to right action.

    I always like the idea that there is a compassionate side to suffering. It teaches us, it offers us the opportunity to wake up.

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  6. Oh! you are so wise . . . Deep bow back to you, my artist and Dharma friend!

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