Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wise Up Day

Today is my birthday. I had planned to write a heady post about the arbitrary nature of such celebration. Instead, I was presented with several opportunities to peak into the inner workings of a love hungry heart and a mind heavily into I-making mode . . .

First, was the flurry of sweet posts on my Facebook wall, from close and not so close friends. I was very aware of the flipside of my delight. Many notes as happened to be the case, lots of happiness. Had there be hardly any such kind greetings, lots of unhappiness. Talk about precarious well-being!

Second, was the painful realization that my mother would not remember my birthday, as she used to. Although I cheerfully lecture about the joy of caring for a person like her with Alzheimer's, another part of the truth is not so happy. There is grief, lots of it, from being attached to the mother I used to know, who was always the first one to call on my birthday.

Third, was my own insecurity as a mother, that got acted out this morning. Meeting my daughter in the kitchen, I felt anxiety rising. Would she remember? Five, ten minutes passed, and no 'Happy Birthday'. I swallowed my pride and figured I would ask. Young one had planned to surprise me, and now I was spoiling the whole thing. I admitted to my human-ness and we worked it out.

Fourth, was  the irony of celebrating the impermanence of one's life, a not so pleasant phenomenon particularly as one gets closer and closer to the end. Being on the path, and understanding the inevitability of old age, sickness and death,  does not make it any easier.

Impermanence, suffering, not-self, I am getting a lesson in all three. The best present I could wish for!

8 comments:

  1. I'm glad you were born and that you're still here to share the journey :)

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  2. Thank you Matt, for the present of your kindness. It touched my heart.

    With metta,

    marguerite

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  3. Michael Odom @miko57March 9, 2011 at 4:08 PM

    Thank you for all the wonderful mindfulness reminders! Happy Birthday, Marguerite!

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  4. Thank you Michael. Thank you for the gift of our Twitter connection.

    And may you be well, and happy, and at peace,

    marguerite

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  5. Wisdom and delusion (sakkaya ditthi--I know it well) at work together. The wonders of living! Beautiful sentiment at the end there on glimpses of understanding the three characteristics as the best gift of all. I like it, and you, and your gift of practice shared here, of course! xok.

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  6. Thank you Katherine! and for the gift of our spiritual friendship.

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  7. Happy Birthday Marguerite and thank you so much for sharing openly and honestly each and every day.

    Peace,
    Nate

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  8. Thank you, Nate. I delight in your consistent effort on the path.

    Metta,

    marguerite

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