Yesterday morning, as I stared at the costly result of a short moment of mindless driving, I remembered U Tejaniya's Don't Look Down on the Defilements, They Will Laugh At You . . .
Unattended anger, doing its job! I realized I needed to heed U Tejaniya's advice:
In order to understand defilements, you have to watch them again and again. What can you gain from just having or expecting good experiences? If you understand the nature of the defilements, they will dissolve. Once you are able to handle defilements, good experiences will naturally follow. Most yogis make the mistake of expecting good experiences instead of trying to work with the defilements.
Respecting anger for the powerful energy that it is. Approaching it with great curiosity. Investigating.
I was amazed by what I found. First, was delusion brought to light, and the realization that the cause of the anger was to be found inside, not outside in someone else. Second, was the insidious effect of my unconscious attachment to a young part of myself, no longer appropriate for this stage of my life. 'She' was the one that had kept me hooked into the anger. And I was no longer willing to suffer for 'her' sake. Third, was how quickly the anger left once I understood its real origin. I awoke this morning, filled with great joy, and gratitude.
Do you have any 'wreck' stories to share? How did you learn from them?
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It was the beginning year of meditation, and parked in a garage, I backed out, being careful not to hit people walking behind the car and turned the wheel hard right...forgetting the pillar to the left of the car.
ReplyDeleteI did not hit anyone, but the fender was crushed. By the time I noticed, it was too late....I got out, looked and just laughed at the $1000 damage(which I had a $1000 deductible on). Happy to not have the anger at being unmindful, and it was the first sign that something was changing...me!
Yep, exactly what happened here . . . Same intent to be careful, same pillar, same side of the car, same outcome :)
ReplyDeletei don't have a car. and would never do anything to physically harm another person. but my anger is mostly and ultimately directed towards myself. compassion to others makes sense. to myself, it seems selfish and conceited, especially since i'm a horrid person that gets angry easily and am not the smartest or useful person around. how did you guys learn to like yourselves?
ReplyDeleteLoving one self does not come easily for most of us in the West. So, first I would say accept it as a fact and do not berate yourself for not loving yourself. Enough arrows . . .
ReplyDeleteSecond, I would say maybe train your mind to reword some of the thoughts you hold about yourself. Something to the effect of "I recognize that I have some difficulties with anger, and that sometimes gets me into trouble. I have compassion for myself, and my suffering."
Third, I would suggest that you maybe consider psychotherapy to deal with some of the issues you are faced with. I found it most useful for myself during the years when I was struggling with anger, rage, and self-hate.
Last, this is a process. May you be patient with yourself!