Pain in the right shoulder threatened my ability to work on the computer. Something had to be done, and I knew where to turn. Estelle, my favorite masseuse had saved me before. She could do it again.
She did, and also told me the plain truth.
Deep inside, she had found a tiny tendon, as taut as a guitar string. "In my entire career, I have never worked on such tight shoulders!" I told her I was under stress, lots of it.
I went home and thought about all the unpleasantness that has come my way recently. And how I had deluded myself into thinking that I had met it completely.
I decided to sit and investigate the truth. Relaxing the whole body, from the feet all the way up to the head, I quickly found myself enveloped by a big grey cloud. Yes, there was much to not like, and there was no mistaking the intensity of my aversion. To resist the aversion of the aversion . . . I was to stay in the cloud and feel every bit of it. This took courage.
Unpleasant vedana. Ruth said to be very aware, or else the unpleasantness gets worse . . .
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are you sure unpleasantness and stress have an external cause? Try to see where it is coming from. Projections of the mind are likely playing tricks again. Is it the past, a fear, a belief we never questioned, let's have a look... We need to practice seeing.
ReplyDeleteOf course you are right. The unpleasantness is ultimately a manifestation of reactive mind to the external. When I sat, I found much grief and the tears came. Grief from clinging to what no longer can be. I also found fear. Fear from clinging to idea of need for security in the future. Both of course originating in attachment to fixed self . . .
ReplyDeleteA process of realization. Unfolding with every conscious breath, every moment sensing the body, every thought examined with wisdom.
Suffering, as gate towards liberation.
Thank you for your enlightened comment.
Much metta to you.
"Grief from clinging to what no longer can be." Turn this around, as I am sitting here unable to swim, my favorite exercise that at one point in the past I heard myself say, "If I can't swim, then I know it is time to die!" I, not my injury, set me up for failure. Seeing the positive in oneself, works a lot of pain out naturally...your comment above shows your potential. Go, girl!
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Was Once!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragements, and gift of your inspiration.