Saturday, February 26, 2011

Seeing the Whole Truth

Today, I encountered anger, several times, in the privacy of my heart. Free floating, like a bunch of dark clouds. Menacing one moment, gone the next, with some grey sky to provide continuity in the background. I watched each cloud go by, and my reaction to it. A feeling of intense dislike, that I immediately identified as vedana. Knowing that, that too, is part of the experience made all the difference. Knowing that, I did not have to like the cloud, and that the not liking was just as good as anything else. That made me whole somehow . . . Knowing, based on the meeting of direct experience with stored wisdom.

I remember twenty some years ago, when mindfulness and vedana were not part of my psychological toolbox, and when rage would keep me company, often. I remember hating myself so much for feeling that way. I remember wondering, when would it end? When would I be finally rid of my anger?

I am sharing this, for those who might be walking in the same shoes as I did then. So that they don't have to wait so long to see the whole truth about themselves. The truth that sets one free.