The Gift of Kind Authenticity

Being real is one value I have strived hard to impart to my daughters. While I have succeeded, it was not always easy bearing the consequences of two very authentic teenagers . . . Still, I am glad. I did not want them to pay the price I did for years lived out of a 'false self'. Better be true and bitchy sometimes, than estranged from one's reality. It took me a very long time to retrieve the ability to be completely myself, owning the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly.

I get taken aback whenever people comment on my authenticity both here in this blog, and also out in my offline life. As if being honest is out of the ordinary . . . I see it otherwise and ask, what is the point of being untrue to oneself, and pretending? How can one relate out of a facade? How can one have a heart to heart connection when one's heart is hidden by a camouflage of automatic behaviors? How can one live this moment, tied by concepts of how one should be instead? 

It is my sense that engaging on the Dharma path requires no less than complete transparency, to one self, and - most of the times - to others. Recognizing what is without any judgment, and relating to others in complete honesty is a great gift indeed. The trick lies in having the wisdom to also practice right speech while communicating the truth, asking oneself the following questions:

is it kind?
is it useful?
is it timely?
does it create concord?

May you be true to yourself, and others. May you be wise. May you be kind.

Such Good Company

Sitting this morning, I found myself full of joyful resolve and gratitude for the gift of mindfulness practice. 

Sitting this morning, I entertained three wise guests - a wink to Rumi :) . . . 

First was the Buddha whose words in the Satipatthana Sutta I could still hear,

". . . this is the direct path for the purification of beings, for the surmounting of sorrow and lamentation, for the disappearance of pain and grief, for the attainment of the true way, for the realization of Nibbana-namely, the four foundations of mindfulness . . . here a bhikkhu . . . sits down . . . having set his body erect . . . and established mindfulness in front of him, ever mindful he breathes in, mindful he breathes out . . ." 

Second was Jon Kabat-Zinn whose simple recommendation to a few of us at the end of the Wisdom 2.0 conference stayed with me,

"Just get up a half hour early every morning and sit for 30', that's all."

Last was, the image of the elder nun, Uttama, sitting in one spot,

"For seven days I sat in one spot, absorbed in rapture and bliss. On the eighth, I stretched out my legs, having burst the mass of darkness."

Sitting in such good company . . . Do you #wannasit with me?

Removing the Veil

I love the intimacy of morning rituals, when the bathroom becomes a sanctuary, the perfect place for meditation in slow motion. Watching sensations in the body, palpitations of the heart, and thoughts passing through the mind . . . This morning, there was gratitude for the pleasure of warm cloth against my face,  and the surroundings of kind silence. A happy moment, on the surface.

Right below, familiar contraction in the stomach asked to be investigated. Why such unpleasantness? I  stood, listening and came across a bunch of thoughts. That there was something basically wrong with my life, as it is. That a better future was to be hoped for. That in order for me to be truly happy, such and such conditions would have to be fulfilled first. I let my mind go wild and imagine what it would be like if I had all my wishes, down to the most minute details. I could taste the sweetness, the satisfaction of changes 'for the better', and something else also. 

Not all would be well in that new scenario, I could see it. There would be suffering, difficulties, unpleasantness, coming along for the ride. My fantasies came crashing, one by one, like big bubbles bursting against a hard cement wall. Left on its own, this is what the deluded mind does. It leads one to operate under false beliefs, and false assumptions. As here, dismissing the present moment in favor of a utopic future.  

Removing the veil of delusions . . . 

The One Source For Mindfulness

Gil's talk this week got me interested again in the Satipatthana Sutta, the Buddha's primary discourse of The Foundations of Mindfulness. If you are going to read only one sutta, this is probably the one, as far as mindfulness practice is concerned. Gil focused on the introductory paragraphs, and will cover the rest of the discourse over the next few weeks. Here is the original text:

This is the direct path for the purification of beings, for the surmounting of sorrow and lamentation, for the disappearance of pain and grief, for the attainment of the true way, for the realization of Nibbana - namely the four foundations of mindfulness.

What are the four? Here, bhikkhus, a bhikkhu abides contemplating the body as a body, ardent, fully aware, and mindful, having put away covetousness and grief for the world. He abides contemplating feelings as feelings, ardent, fully aware, and mindful, having put away covetousness and grief for the world. He abides contemplating mind as mind, ardent, fully aware, and mindful, having put away covetousness and grief for the world. He abides contemplating mind-objects as mind-objects, ardent, fully aware, and mindful, having put away covetousness and grief for the world.

~ Satipatthana Sutta: The Foundations of Mindfulness (The Middle Length Discourses of the Buddha, Bhikkhu Nanamoli & Bhikkhu Bodhi translation) ~ 

My notes from Gil's talk:

There may be many paths to the alleviation of suffering, but this path  is the shortest one.

This is not about paying attention to everything. Instead, we are to focus on four things: 1) body, 2) feelings, 3) mind (mind states), and 4) mind-objects. Advantage of focusing in the body is that it is always in the present moment.

Before we pay attention to any of those four areas, we first turn our interest away from the object  we are covetous or distressed about, and we focus instead on our subjective experience of the wanting or distress, as manifested in body, feelings, our mind states, etc. 

There is a difference between mindfulness and mindfulness practice. The latter is a combination of mindfulness with other factors. Different teachers emphasize different factors. Mindfulness in the traditional sense of sati means to hold something in one's mind. 

We practice being, 1) mindful: holding in attention the four areas of body, feelings, mind states and mind objects, 2) fully aware: having a clear comprehension of what we are doing, 3) ardent: being full of resolve, dedication and enthusiasm.

This understanding is of utmost importance to practice, and I am very grateful to Gil for his clarifications, particularly regarding the four areas of focus for the attention (not all is to be paid attention to, only these four), and also the turning away from the object of our wanting or distress, towards the experience of wanting or suffering itself. 

My Little House No More

There is no ignoring the sadness any more. No pretending it's not going to happen. The home that was mine for thirteen years is about to find a new owner. Freshly repainted, staged to show, priced to sell, it's got multiple offers, and today is the big day. I get to meet all the prospective buyers and decide.

Last night, I paid one last visit, and remembered the house while I lived there with my daughters, just the three of us. A girls' abode filled with art making, music, dancing, cooking, friends, our two dogs . . . The only house that I have ever lived in and could really call mine. The house the children remember fondly and never completely left. A messy place while we were there, and that was part of its charm. Eight years we lived in the house, the girls and I. 

After we moved out to a new home, with my new husband, the old house remained in my name. Tenants came and went, and treated it with various degrees of respect. It gave me comfort to know that it was there, a tangible connection to earlier, happy times with the children. Of course, hidden in that attachment, lied a lot of suffering. This morning, it's hitting me big, the wish for what can no longer be had, and the sorrow about the implacability of time passed. 

Impermanence. And nothing to be called mine.

More Takes on Wisdom 2.0

During the Wisdom 2.0 conference, I ran into Rod Meade Sperry, Web editor at Shambhala Sun, and we made this video, now up on the Shambhala site:

Rod's got more videos of the conference coming soon!

3 Rest Stops For the Mind

Isn't it wonderful? We carry with us all we need for the mind to rest. 

No need to go on expensive vacations, or to visit luxurious spas. No need to wait for another time. No need to take classes.

Right here, in the body, we can find 3 places where to give the mind a break.

First is the breath. Landing our attention on each breath, in and out, getting absorbed in the ebb and flow of each inhalation, each exhalation. Even if for only just one breath . . . 

Second are the feet. Feeling the sensations in each foot as it touches the ground. Whether standing, sitting, walking, or lying down. Becoming a sensing being, even if for only just one step . . . 

And third, the hands. The left hand, the right hand, resting, or clasped, or hanging at each side. Feeling each finger. The coldness, the warmth, the blood coursing through. Sensing, even if for only a few moments . . .

3 places of rest, accessible anywhere, any time.