Sitting, I become filled with hot energy. Demanding, insistent, . . . I name it greed, for that is what it feels like. Wanting something else, something more. The desire growing stronger with each breath. Thought that I want wanting to go away. Want. Irony of yet another level of desire. Body consumed. No choice but to stay with the tyrannical force. I want to be brave, stay still in the midst of the inferno. Want. Noted. There is fear also. Fear of not getting, not being whatever it is. And frustration. Wishing for tranquillity. Want. If only I could just be happy with the now. Want. Concentration waning. I start feeling sleepy, and dozing. Breath as anchor, to keep me as present as possible, given circumstances. I keep going back. Energy still there, although not as strong. Sleepy. I wish I could sleep. Want. Breathing. The wanting seems to be less strong. Losing some steam. Or is it my mind, playing tricks?
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