Thursday, October 15, 2009

Whose Body is It?

Sitting, attention almost immediately drawn to sawing sound outside. Noise, hearing. Noise, hearing. Awareness at diffuse space of contact between the two, sawing noise, and hearing, body and non-body. Noticing breath, oh! yes, breath. Breath in, stop, breath out, stop. Slow, calm breaths. Sawing, hearing, awareness. Sawing stops, giving way to drunken sensation in body. And lightness. Energy wants to twist my body, from waist up to neck, off to left side of upper chest, forward and up, head back down. I'm afraid of losing control. Thought, "I wonder what I actually look like, I am feeling twisted, but am I really, twisted? Or is it my mind giving me impression of twisted?" I give myself permission to slightly shift my neck, head and shoulders. Small adjustment lets me know, I have been most likely sitting straight the whole time. Temporary relief. Twisting force comes back. Fear. Dislike. Nausea, dizziness. Trying to not move. Fear, still. Thought, "what's going to happen?". Lightness, floating sensation. Dislike. Wanting to feel grounded. Feeling powerless. Energy, unmoved. Bell.

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