Monday, December 28, 2009

Feeling the Fear

Woken up by fear in middle of the night. Only fear, breath, and loud noise from air conditioner. Fear, big, grasping me at the throat. Tightening the chest, and stomach. Another opportunity for lying down meditation. Staying with the fear, feeling it, completely. Until breath takes me back to sleep.

Nothing to fear, objectively. I am at Johor Pulai Springs Resort, Malaysia, in the midst of a fabulous Indian wedding, with nothing to worry about. Fear is all creation of mind.

Remembering passage from Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, in Inquiring Mind, that I read in the plane over:
In meditation, there is wisdom and there is method. Wisdom allows you to see the true matter. Through wisdom you know what panic is; you see that panic is impermanence. But with method, meditation, you don't even have to ask the cause. You feel the panic and transform it - panic into shamatha, panic into loving kindness and compassion, panic into emptiness. So you don' have to ask why. It just transform directly. 
Feeling the fear . . . and breath.

2 comments:

  1. I was fortunate enough to hear Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche speak to his panic episodes and they really resonated with me. I found it funny that it soothed me to hear someone who I expected to not have dealt with such emotions and terror to have gone through such a similar experience.

    You have nothing to fear girl! Have a great time.

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  2. Yes, I am sure the Buddha had his share of difficult emotions, as well! Fear is part of human territory, I realize. I have gotten to the point where I am able to stay with fear, and not have it direct my actions!

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