I usually don't do well with Christmas. This year is even worse. I am going through the motions of tree, gifts, and Christmas Eve dinner, long empty rituals, just to please the family. Sitting this morning, feels like one restless ball of nerves. Thoughts, scattered, zooming through. Heart, beating, real fast. Breath, disconnected from body, almost. All I can do is sit still. Being with craziness, and watching it settle some, with each new conscious breath. There is frustration, and fear, and sadness, and tiredness, . . . and patience too. Bell rings. Thought: sitting is a courageous act.
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I bowed out of nearly all of this year. Am tired of pleasing the family.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, just sitting this time of year seems like an act of courage. I get to sit with what I think the extended family thinks about my disappearance. Ping pong balls rattling in the head.
I am finding this time of year to be an interesting opportunity for practice as a householder. Testing mindfulness, and equanimity . . .
ReplyDeleteMay you be happy, and at peace, and at ease, while watching the ping pong match in your mind, and in your heart :)
Thank you for joining, and deep bow,
marguerite
Sitting on the zafu is indeed a very courageous act. It contains the the potential of seeing, feeing, remembering and projecting everything that we would prefer not to, with regard to ourselves... others... life in general... There can be a lot of hard spots and contractions...
ReplyDeleteDespite these challenges we return, return, return to our sitting place, digesting, composting, dissipating and dissolving. As we do this patterns are broken, unhelpful repetitive patterns softened and we live forwards, rather than backwards.
I learn much from your fortitude and resolute nature, as you continually make the effort to befriend yourself and your life.
Namaste'
~Seiho
Thank you Seiho, very much. One of the things that support me most in my practice is spiritual friendships such as yours.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder that sitting takes courage. I have been afraid to sit lately, but your post reminds me that I can be afraid and sit anyway, which is the courageous part.
ReplyDeleteWishing you peace and contentment.
Oh! wonderful, Theresa . . . I have noticed when I don't feel like sitting, is usually when I need it the most :) In doubt, just sit, and be mindful, moment to moment.
ReplyDeleteMuch metta.