This morning, fear was back again. This time, however, I had Gil's words, to guide me. "Be a scared Buddha" . . . And so I was, scared Buddha, amidst passing interferences, from insisting, controlling mind. Breath, as my friend, bringing awareness back to reality of now, over and over. Fear. Fear. Fear . . . Until all of a sudden, towards the end of sitting, no fear. Only breath, and deep calmness.
The mind thinks it needs to work harder than it needs to. I am realizing more and more, the power of simply being present to what is. Interpretation is best left to psychotherapy, and even there, not always.
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Yes! Just offer yourself to the biggest monster - put your head right into his mouth!
ReplyDeleteThere is no other way, is there? :)
ReplyDeleteWhen fear appears for me and I get that feeling in the bottom of my stomach that makes me want to run, I ask myself... "What is it that you are expecting?" And then I sit and explore that sensation... hunt it... and then if possible see if I can breath enough into the moment to thaw it a little.
ReplyDeleteIn closing, I once heard a friend say that FEAR was (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal. It was only after he said that, that I realized I was fighting ghosts... projections of mind and somehow a feeling of being inadequate in the situation. Once confidence within myself arose, my fears naturally dissolved.
Unifying Heart and Mind,
~Seiho
Thank you Seiho. That is wise advice. I find there are many kinds of fear. 'Real' fear, anticipatory fear, primal, existential fear . . . The latter one is what I have been struggling with lately. Of course, like any other phenomenon, more opportunity for practice. :)
ReplyDelete