Body, tired still, from minor surgery, goes along with breath. Soft, unhindered inhale, followed by stillness, before long, deep exhale. Over, and over. Dropping fast, into space, where outside world fades. Sounds of dogs barking, and people talking on the sidewalk, noticed, that's all. Rather liking the ease. Lots of sighs, complete, to seal the calmness. Really liking the freedom. Noticing clinging, sleepiness also, that wants to take me somewhere else. Repeating, sleepy, sleepy, in between each breath. Thought, I did not know I was so tired. To stay with what is. Sleepy body, dulled mind. More thoughts, I wonder how much longer? Why even bother with this? What's the point of sitting? Noticing doubt, and resistance. Question: Why sit, now? Answer comes: Just because.
Remembering Ajahn Chah - in 'Food for the Heart': Whether you feel like it or not you should practice just the same: this is how the Buddha taught . . . Practice consistently, whether day or night, this year, next year, whatever the time... don't pay attention to thoughts of diligence or laziness, don't worry whether it's hot or cold, just do it.
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I can't help but quote the famous words of a spiritual leader from an alternate reality: "Do or do not. There is no try." -Yoda
ReplyDeleteI respect the struggle for discipline. Isn't it amazing how this condition is so universal? Cheers to you my friend!
Thanks Thomas! So good to hear from you, here, out of all places. I think of you often . . . May you be happy, may you thrive in your art practice, and with your family, may you be healthy, and well, may you be at peace, and at ease. Please let me know if you ever come back to visit. Would love to see you and compare notes.
ReplyDeletei hear ya girl...there are days i just don't wanna do it. but somewhere inside me something clicked a few months ago and for whatever reason...if i'm feeling positive i sit. if i'm feeling negative i sit. if i'm feeling neutral i sit. dunno where it came from, it just kind of organically grew, but i think it's on track for where i'm supposed to be. so if you are in that place to, you sit. if you are not in that place too, you sit. :)
ReplyDeleteWonderful! Realizing, meditation is not about feeling good, or calm, or energetic, or any kind of way . . . Just being present with what is. I never cease to be surprised. Every moment, every sitting's different.
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