I Want, I Want, I Want, . . .

Knots in stomach, tight throat, clenched jaws. Whole attentions is drawn to digestive system, while breath goes about its business. Soft, calm inhales, and exhales, moving up and down, through belly, past resistance of stomach, and oesophagus, and throat. Making room for reality of tightening, and holding on. I want. I want. I want . . . something. Not sure what, except 'it' is not part of present moment. Frustration. 'I want' becomes bigger and bigger with each breath. And so does dissatisfaction. Surge of activity in kitchen and unexpected noises threaten to push me over the edge. I want quiet. Not knives chopping stuff. Not microwave beeping. Not toaster ringing. Not spoon hitting bowl. Reality hits, along with foolishness of resisting. Stomach softens, throat relaxes. Kitchen quiet again. Front doors slams. Now, only ticking of clock, and distant hammering. And breath. Want still there, but more subdued.

Yesterday, during our neighborhood Dharma group meeting, Penny shared her experience from recent retreat, when she, for a moment, felt the bliss of being perfectly content with now, unburdened with weight of habitual wanting. So, there is hope . . . Of course, there is also the danger of wanting a want-free moment, turning into yet another want! :)