This morning, I really became aware of the mind muscle, as I sat, and watched the ebbs and flows of awareness, moment to moment.
House quiet, except for comforting sound of space heater. Body sunk into chair, fading into almost nonexistence. Only movement of breath, belly rising, and falling. Small, shallow breaths. Noticing each one, even in the midst of passing thoughts. Image of dream, still fresh. Not now, I will attend later. Breathing, I say the word, with each breath. Still body, willful awareness, and loving heart, all working together to help birth mindful self, one breath at a time. Hard work. I can feel the strain. Not unlike feeling of body being pushed to its limits, during master's swim with coach Tim. Remembering Gil's talk, about each minded breath, being a tremendous gift. Tim, Gil, both helping. Nothing to worry about, just follow breath, and whatever else arises. Attention being pulled inward, away from outside body. Tension in neck, shoulders. Feeling as if flesh's left behind. Temptation to take a break. No. To keep working with breath, like midwife. Body sensations fading into background, again. Only breath. Oh! so soft. Getting into a rhythm. Bell rings. Not rushing. Winding down workout, eyes opening, body motioning, slowly. Mind tired, sharpened.