Tending the Self

Yesterday's mindfulness vow still very fresh, I started practicing this morning. Waiting for my turn at the optometrist's office, usual impatience was replaced by gratitude for opportunity to sit. Feeling breath, settling in body, into myself really. Taking mindful attitude with me, as I sat in optometrist's chair. Driving home, I resisted temptation to turn on the radio, and focused on just driving, and breathing. Fear came, at red light outside of doctor's building. No idea what fear was about. Just breathing, feeling fear, and paying attention to the road.

Sitting in meditation seat, fear vanished, at once. Replaced by sadness. Easy breathing making room for tender heart. Some tears. Noticing pleasure of relief from tears. Dance with breathing, and thoughts. Aware of wanting more tears. Letting wanting take its course. Breath, gentle, massaging the heart, relaxing body and mind. Image of mother tending hurting child. Oh! the sweetness. Heart responding with even more melting, and opening. Feeling coolness, and peace also. Liking, noted. Inner calm, interrupted by sound of gardener, blowing leaves. Willing heart, unfazed, open still. Prad's call for me, chiming in. Feeling calmness, and love. Tended heart, happy. House quiet again. Boredom knocks. Wondering, how much longer to sit . . . Boredom, seen, disappears. Back to breath. Gentle, slow, easy breaths, each one caressing the heart, encouraging it to stay open.

It's only been two hours. Two hours since I woke up, of deliberate mindfulness, tending to self, meanwhile getting up, brushing teeth, getting dressed, making small talk with Prad, drinking tea, answering tweets, driving, visiting optometrist, and finally sitting. Feeling whole, and thinking about all the times before when I had opposite experience. Thinking of Seiho's post today, about the risk of "Fragmentation" in daily life, and the importance of keeping mindful connection with self.