Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Best Gift

Yesterday was my birthday. Best gift of all, came as a surprise during meditation.

I was happy, or so I thought, until I sat. Quickly, in the stillness, I found tightness in the chest, pain in the heart, and tension in the right shoulder. And thoughts of loved one, who had failed to please me with  early morning birthday wishes. Heart, insecure from past neglect, was filled with doubt. I watched, powerless, as sadness, self-pity, and anger, took turn contributing to more contraction, more suffering. Bursted, the bubble of illusory equanimity that had met me upon awakening. Instead, stressed out body was struggling to stay still. Breathing in, breathing out, . . . each breath rubbing against the suffering, I started seeing the foolishness of wanting that which I could not control, and watched it slowly release its hold.
"When a noble disciple has thus understood craving, the origin of craving, the cessation of craving, and the way leading to the cessation of craving . . . he here and now makes an end of suffering." - Sammaditthi Sutta -
In my mailbox, awaiting, was wished for message. Loved one had not forgotten, after all. 

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