Two days. I felt the sting, for two days. Right in the center of my heart. For two long days, I watched sorrow, sadness, fear, rage, and an assortment of other painful emotions, take turn in long parade of silent suffering. I tried sitting, swimming, talking to stinger, examining content of my thoughts, listening to my dreams, loving kindness meditation . . . all to no avail. This morning, still achy heart gave me the answer I needed.
Going back to the stinging incident, I realized the sting was not so much the issue, as the way I had taken it. I remembered my outrage at the comment made, that questioned the peace in our household, and threatened the new sense of joy, and love I have been feeling as a result of my practice. While the comment was malicious, no doubt, I realized this morning, it had little to do with the persistent suffering in my heart. No, the real source was my clinging to the good feeling of love in the family, and my craving for it to continue. I was not willing to make room for the possibility of conflict, and badness.
If anything, the misery from these last two days, has driven home the value of insight, and of 'real time' awareness (just made up that word :)). The more delayed the attention, the greater the suffering.
PS- Sting's gone . . .
Awesome. Thanks for sharing that. A question I find useful in stingy situations to ask myself is, "What actually just happened?"ReplyDelete
Yes, emphasis on 'actually' :)ReplyDelete
Real-time awareness, yes, that is the key.ReplyDelete