Thursday, September 3, 2009

One Way Or the Other

I have this pain, right below the surface, that comes up soon after I sit. Let's face it, I would rather not have the pain, but I am no mistress in my house. The pain is there, and insists on being recognized. Being a good Buddhist, I tell myself to keep my heart open, open, open . . . And breathe through the center of my chest, where the pain dwells. I remember Jack Kornfield's gentle words last Sunday, to let breath breathe itself, and I relax into the pain. The ring of resistance opens, making space for the pain to come out. One tear, soon followed by many more . . . and a big sigh. The ring tightens, again. I have reached my limit, for now, and want out. I get lost into wishes for the bell to ring, soon, so that I can get up and go about my business, and forget. Avoidance, yes. Back to breathing. trying to focus. Oh! pain again, this time in my lower back and my thighs. Purely physical, and seemingly disconnected from its earlier, heartfelt version. And yet, begging for my attention just as much. One way or another, I am to embrace the pain. All of it. And not judge myself for succeeding only partly. I am convinced the world would be a much better place, if only more people were willing to face that which comes with being human: pain.

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