Friday, September 25, 2009

Up Close with Unsatisfactoriness

Joy of sitting. Being grateful for luxury of time, meeting with moment. One, two, three breaths. And many more, with gradual realization that not all is as I wish, inside. Something's getting in the way, of breath. Down in my stomach, and in my throat also. I have felt it before. Many times. Struggle to find correct name. I hesitate between sadness, and frustration. More hindered breaths soon make it clear. The constriction's got to do with not being happy with what is. And yearning for a different time, another place. I know I have no other choice than to go with the unsatisfactoriness. Breathing into the resistance. Thoughts of wishing for a more relaxed state, free breath, happy belly, quiet stomach, open throat. Wishing. And a deep sigh. Sleepiness comes, threatening to put an end to my misery. Not now, though. I am to stay awake, and stay with each breath. Straightening my spine, I am no slouch. I start dancing with the sleepiness, and the tension, one step into almost oblivion, soon followed by more brushes with the abrasive reality. Faint smile, translates into frown being ironed out of forehead. I am staying calm despite the relative unpleasantness. Sitting, still.

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